White SpaceApr 03, 2022
A theme has emerged this week among the clients of my coaching and ThetaHealing® sessions. You are BUSY. Intentionally busy. So busy that you don't have one minute (literally) to spare between activities and appointments.
Lunch is on the go, and may even be just a cheese stick and an apple while you walk picking things up. No silence allowed. Must keep busy. Must stay in action. You have your headphones in even on your walks, listening to a podcast or music. You don't need me to tell you why you're doing this... except... maybe you do.
In case you're thinking, "Holy crap. She's talking about me!"... know that this came up in 8 client sessions - this week. You aren't alone.
The REASON you are stuck in the busy-ness is that you are scared to be alone with your own thoughts. It feels like if you are alone with your own thoughts, they might run away with you. You worry that the scary things you think and the scarier things you feel might catch up with you if you stop for even one minute.
So let's talk about this.
First, let's acknowledge that things HAVE been hard. Like, for two years. At least.
Second, let's change the context. I love doing this. It's my favorite!
Imagine that you skip a stone onto a still pond. Watch as the little ripples expand out from the stone. Got that image in your mind?
Now replay it. What is the SIZE of the ripples? The FIRST ones are big, right? The ones that come later are smaller until they disappear. Yes?
Our emotions are the same. At first, they are BIG. The longer it's been since you've allowed yourself to feel them the bigger they are. But as you let them flow, they decrease in size until they disappear.
Now let's get curious.
What are your emotions telling you? What's at the root of the feeling?
Is it possible that there's something you've been ignoring that isn't working?
Is it possible your emotions are have been trying to tell you something you've ignored for a while?
Is it possible you feel like you are hustling for your worth?
It is possible staying busy makes you feel a little more in control?
Heck yes, it's possible. It's even PROBABLE.
You spend so much time taking care of other people, other people's problems, and other people's feelings that your own feelings have been getting ignored. You tell yourself this is ok because you’re helping. But again - lets’ change the context.
If this was a thorn in your shoe, you'd at least sit down to take a look at your shoe, find the thorn, and remove it. But since it's emotional pain, you think it's ok to ignore it.
Stop ignoring emotional pain.
Ignoring this emotional pain is what has you turning to food, alcohol, sex, overspending and other things to try to numb. I’m going to tell you something you know already, but probably haven’t consciously thought about.
There’s a part of you that already KNOWS what you need to do to ease your emotional pain. It might be that you aren’t quite ready to face it, and that’s ok. I want to assure you - you are normal. And you know what else?
You don't have to do anything with the information your emotions tell you. You can just sit in the awareness for now. It sometimes feels like we have to do something with every piece of information we get but that's just your fear talking.
Change the context so you can remove some of the emotional charge. You can KNOW you need to re-shingle your roof for a long time before you actually call a contractor. Sitting with an awareness of your emotional pain doesn’t have to be different.
So for example…
Just because you discover you don't like your job doesn't mean you have to quit it. Discovering you are unhappy with your relationship doesn't mean you have to end it. Discovering you don’t feel good after spending time with that group of people doesn’t mean you don’t have to see them again. It's only information and it only means what you make it mean.
In fact, if you have looked at cycles of change readiness with your coach, awareness of the need for a change is step one. There are three steps after that. You’d an sit in awareness for a long time if you want! You don’t have to change anything if you don’t feel ready to do that.
Get curious. Let your emotions teach you. Are you willing to get curious?
Here's an action step for you this week.
Create some white space. 1 to 3 minutes of silence. This is time when you don't have to talk, engage or even think. Setting a timer can make it feel more comfortable.
There's SO MUCH information in the white space. That's where your creativity lives, that's where ideas and solutions live, that's where your most radiant self lives. This is also where your dreams are born, where your joy lives.
And changing the context again (I love that), consider great art. ALL great art whether it's photography, music or visual art has white space. You know what the word is when there's no white space? Clutter. Clutter, whether it's physical or metaphorical makes a mess. You can't see clearly in the clutter.
When you first start creating white space in your life, prepare to be a little uncomfortable the first few times you do this. That doesn't mean it's wrong or that you're doing it badly. It simply means it's new.
Then I want to hear from you. What did you learn from YOUR white space??? Email me to let me know! [email protected]
All my love,