I just need to get through this week...Jan 23, 2022
I said this every week for YEARS.
"I just need to get through this week and then...
- I can rest
- I can do what I want
- I can have time to read
- I can spend time with you
- I can experience pleasure
- I can relax
- I can think clearly
- I can be happy
- I can be free
- I can book the trip
- I can have time to go out for dinner
- And on, and on, and on
I thought so. It happens to a lot of us, especially those of us who have are empathic, have perfectionistic tendencies, or people-pleasing in our backgrounds.
Even if we aren't actively people-pleasing or trying for perfectionism. It especially happens to those of us who've endured trauma or abuse. Why?
Simple. It hasn't always been safe for us to do the thing we wanted or have what we needed.
Though my PTSD from an abusive marriage officially went into remission in 2009, this particular issue has been one that continues to be one I have to keep in mind. Sometimes I get busy when I don't want to acknowledge something or feel something. For example...
It was a sunny spring day when my friend Molly and I met for a glass of wine on the patio of our favorite local happy hour spot with locally sourced and organic food in SE Boise. That day I was taking a break from the production of a large-scale musical event because I'd been feeling stressed. I said something like "I just need to get through this week, and then I'll be fine."
Molly took a sip of wine, sat her glass on the table and leaned forward. She said softly, "I hear you say this a lot. Do you remember when we used to go to those conferences and we'd wait for the door prices that we NEVER won but we'd wait anyway? DO you think you might be waiting for your door price that's never going to come; expecting things to change but not doing anything differently?
This was about more than a schedule. It was about being willing to do things differently, to slow down, to pause, to step out of production.
We've all heard the Albert Einstein quote "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing but expecting different results". Right?
You've watched me heal from an abusive marriage, start and close a photography business, start this healing business, change jobs, and now move to a new city in a new state to start a new chapter. Here's what you might not know.
I was never NOT scared.
I was never totally ready for the change. But I KNEW nothing would change unless I did. I needed things to change.
Here's what else you might not know.
You aren't going to be motivated to change UNTIL you take action. We think that we'll get into action once we are motivated. That's not true.
Action creates clarity.
Wait, what?!? I know. But hear me out.
Here are a couple of examples. Have you ever applied for a job and then instantly known you didn't want that job? Or build an order while you are shopping online and then decide that's not what you wanted? Or create a Door Dash order and then decide to cook instead? (that one happened to me last night!)
You won't know what you want until you stop thinking about it and DO something. Set an appointment. Apply for a job. Make a date. Call a friend. Shop for a home. Research a trip.
Take action. ONE small action.
It will help you know what to do next. How?
As soon as you take action ask yourself how you feel. Really tune in. Do you feel good? Then take another action step in that direction. Do you feel anxious, uncomfortable, or restricted? Yay! Now you know that's not the direction for you!
Still not quite sure how you feel? That's ok. It happens sometimes.
Your BODY knows how you feel even when you don't.
Wanna know how?
Stand with your feet even and comfortably spaced.
Put your arms gently and relaxed at your sides.
When your body AGREES with a statement you'll find yourself gently tipping forward. If your body DOES NOT SUPPORT a statement you'll find yourself gently leaning backward. Don't worry, you aren't going to fall.
Start with a baseline. Say "My name is (say your name)" and notice how you tip forward. Say, "My name is (something that isn't your name)" and notice how you tip backward.
Do a couple more baseline sentences just so you can trust the results. Say sentences about true things and sentences about things that aren't true. You can use any topic but some fun ones are hair color, what you had for breakfast, and foods you like.
Once you establish a baseline, it's time to use muscle testing to help you understand how you feel.
Say a statement and notice what your body does. If you tip forward, your body supports that statement (and so do you!). If you tip backward, your body does not support that statement (and neither do you!).
Isn't that easy?? And cool?
If you liked this you are going to LOVE the free LIVE masterclass I'm offering in February.
And no worries if you can't attend live - I'll send out a replay. But if you can attend live, I have some awesome bonuses for you!
Share this with someone you know and love.
All my love,