A letter from my child self to adult Brenda... and to you.May 29, 2022
I just got home from a retreat with Cathy Heller in Boca Roton, Florida. It was transformative. Healing. I am more willing than ever to step into the work I’m called to do.
I want to share a letter I wrote while I was there. It’s a letter from 7-year-old Brenda to fully-resourced, adult Brenda. 7-year-old Brenda lived in Chadron, Nebraska. When I was a first-grader, I went on a field trip with the first-grade class to Chadron State Park and fell into Bordeaux Creek. The other important background information to have before you see the letter is that I was sexually abused as a child.
But no one believed me.
I’m fully healed. There are no graphic descriptions or potential triggers in the letter. It is safe for you to continue reading.
I’ve written TO my child self, but never written FROM my child self. It was transformative.
Here’s the letter little girl Brenda wrote to fully resourced adult Brenda.
I’m not broken. You’re not broken. I’m strong. You’re strong.
I need to be listened to. You need to hear me. Promise me you’ll hear me, ok?
I kind of wanted to fall into the creek that day. I wanted to see if I could be rescued. And I was! And you were!
You’re inner knowing, feelings and experience matter. Please speak up. No one will know if you don’t tell them.
And this time they WILL listen because you’ll keep saying it until they do. And you’ll listen to you so it won’t matter if they listen or not.
Because NOW you trust YOU enough to listen to your own inner knowing. I love you. You are me. I am proud of you. You are proud of me. We are one.
I’m so excited to know you every day.
The interesting thing about this letter is that it was profoundly healing for me to write the letter. It was also healing to the women in the room with me.
Whether or not you’ve had similar experiences, there’s a little girl inside of you that identifies with what that little girl inside of me wrote.
We’re all just here to walk each other home, to find love, and we’re all looking for God in whatever form He/She/It may be.
But we get stuck in our life, the busyness, the to-do lists and our ego. The ego - the fear based part of ourselves. The part that’s separate from source.
This ego part of you is REALLY resistant to change and to new ways of thinking.
Your ego is the reason why sometimes you have turtle shell moments. You know.. One minute you feel brave and expansive and other times, you are back to hiding under your shell.
But what if you could learn to step into the feeling of expansion and joy? What if you could learn to tolerate joy?
Tolerate joy?? I bet you are thinking… “What? Don’t we all want joy?” The answer is yes. But we also know from the work of Brene’ Brown that joy is the most frightening emotion of all.
There’s a part of us that thinks if we find the joy and lose it, we won’t survive that loss. There’s a little part of you that decides you don’t want joy because because not having joy is easier than having it and losing it.
But all of that’s a lie.
Joy is accessible no matter what is happening around you, no matter what you are going through in your life. It’s a state of being. A choice. A vibration. You can experience joy while you’re mad, while you’re sad, while you’re healing, while you’re going through sometimes. You can have hard moments AND still have joy. You can build your joy tolerance.
The more capacity you have for joy, the happier you become.
That’s what Waves of Joy is all about… so you can experience joy in the ups and downs of daily life. So you can have a place to come back home to coherence.
That’s why I developed the Yes to Me Challenge. To help you build your capacity for joy. To help you let go of fear. To help you FINALLY put yourself on your own priority list.
When you heal.. The world heals. The world needs us.
The shooting in Texas. The war in Ukraine. The baby formula shortage.
If WE all heal, we have the potential to heal the world. When we walk around carrying our wounds, all we see is our wounds reflecting back to us.
It’s in the hands of the women to heal the world. When you step up, and say you are ready to heal so that you can show up as your most full, most resourced, most healed versions of ourselves and help other people heal.
This Yes to Me challenge is a chance to reclaim our capacity for joy. To expand our tolerance for feeling joy. And it starts one woman at a time.
I’m going to help you get started. When you STOP putting yourself last, you show up differently for every person in your life. When you stop putting your dreams on the back burner, you are changed. You become more resourced than you’ve ever been.
When you begin to admit the thing that light you up and give birth to your dreams, the world expands for everyone in your circle. YOU give permission for everyone in your life to do the same.
Thinking that you are sacrificing your happiness, your needs, your dreams FOR the people of your life is wrong. You’ve got it twisted. Feeling good and taking care of yourself is HOW you can show up in this world prepared to heal it, to do the good things you are meant to do, to change the lives you are meant to change. It starts with yours.
Join me in the Yes to Me Challenge. It’s free. But you do need to register.
You’ll put yourself on your priority list AND meet the needs of those around you. You’ll feel happier, lighter and more possibility.
This challenge is going to change how you show up in your life. You’ll be calmer. More grounded. More centered.
You aren’t going to have more to do… I’ll give you things to think and things to feel. I’ll help you shift.
I want you to do this. I want you to do this for you. I want you to do this for me. I want you to do this for our world. Our world needs healing in ways we’ve never seen before. YOU stepping into YOU means you can show up in ways that heal, inspire, educate. You can change the world when you stop putting yourself last.
You will be the lighthouse. The lightworker. In everything you do.
Join me in the Yes to Me Challenge. The world needs you. Your children need you.
All my love... and wishing you waves of joy,