Brenda Winkle 00:00:01 Welcome to your yes filled life. I'm Brenda Winkle, energetic leadership guide, psychic, medium and somatic coach for ambitious leaders who know their gifts are real and who want to stand fully in them. Here you'll learn how to trust your intuition, embody your vision, and step into the freedom you've been creating, all without chasing more certifications or carrying stuff that does not belong to you. Every week, I'll share powerful practices and conversations with thought leaders and changemakers that help you transform your vision into embodied confidence. Claim your gifts without apology and lead with both clarity and freedom. Because your gifts aren't cute. They are powerful. They're real, and they're needed. Start today by downloading my free energy audit at Brenda Winkle. Com for audit. It's the exact tool I use to track what's fueling me and what's draining me. It will help you discern between that hit of achievement and true joy, so that you can lead with more clarity and impact. This is your space to stop proving, start embodying and live fully in your gifts.
Brenda Winkle 00:01:16 Welcome to your yes filled life. Hello and welcome to your yes filled life. I'm your host, Brenda Winkle. Today on the podcast, we have a special guest, my friend, my coach, and my client, Doctor Ali Nowicki. Now, Doctor Ali Nowicki has been a guest on the show before. I'll put that previous episode in the show notes so you can listen. Today she's coming here to talk about something very special and it's very relatable. She's talking about stress and the ways in which stress can impact not only your life, but your family's life. And this is a beautiful compliment to the work that I do with nervous system regulation and breathwork and somatic. And so I'm so excited to be sharing this conversation with you. Now, in case you haven't met Ali. Here's a little bit about her. Doctor Ali Nowicki is a board certified physician in pediatrics, neonatology, and obesity medicine, and she's the CEO and founder of the Fit Collective and the Fit Kid Method. Through her work, she's helped thousands of women and families move beyond restrictive diet culture and into a science backed, sustainable approach to body composition, nutrition and metabolic health.
Brenda Winkle 00:02:38 I am one of those women that she has helped, and I highly recommend her work. Known for translating complex medical research into practical strategies that fit actual real life, Doctor Ali blends clinical expertise with a refreshingly human approach to wellness. Her programs empower clients to build muscle, balance hormones, and raise healthier kids without the all or nothing mindset. I'm so excited for you to hear this conversation with Doctor Ali Nowicki. Let's dive in. Hi, Ali. Thank you for joining me.
Ali Nowicki 00:03:17 I love being in your presence. So if you want to do a podcast, if you want to do a dinner, if you want to, whatever you want to do, I'm in.
Brenda Winkle 00:03:26 Well, the feeling is mutual. As we were just talking right before we decided we were officially recording. It's like, I just love being in your presence. I love your work. I'm so inspired by everything that you do, and it's just an honor to have you here and to have you in my life. Thank you.
Ali Nowicki 00:03:43 Thank you.
Ali Nowicki 00:03:44 I feel so, so the same about you. And I think that the one thing I just want to name out loud is that you are such a great coach for me, and I've been coaching with you for a while. And the reason I came to it the other day, I was actually thinking about you, and I was like, there's something about Brenda that just really, really helps me. And I think what you do really well is you mirror me, so you allow me to see myself. You're never telling me or you're allowing me to see it first, and you can see it too. And then we're able to go deeper. And so I just wanted to say that I was actually thinking about that this week. And I had to tell you, like, it has to be on this podcast because this is true.
Brenda Winkle 00:04:30 Thank you. Thank you I received that I feel a little misty receiving it but I received that. So thank you. Yeah you're pretty incredible to work with. And the mirroring I feel that that happens for me with you as well because I coach with you, which is it's really a unique situation because there's not that many people that I feel like I can coach.
Brenda Winkle 00:04:56 And also who can hold my energy.
Ali Nowicki 00:05:00 Same, same.
Brenda Winkle 00:05:03 Yeah. Yeah. It's amazing.
Ali Nowicki 00:05:05 I feel very grateful. So thank you.
Brenda Winkle 00:05:07 Oh thank you. So since we have last spoken on the podcast we are on the same trajectory so to speak, with transform being your primary program of interest, which is one of the programs that I belong to and I absolutely love it. Cannot say enough positive things about it. From the community to the education to the workouts to the accountability. It is top notch from start to finish. Absolutely love it. And there's a new evolution.
Ali Nowicki 00:05:43 Yes there is.
Brenda Winkle 00:05:45 Yeah. And I think it's really, really important. And this is where our work has become even more Synchronistic. Can you talk to us about what you've discovered?
Ali Nowicki 00:05:57 Yes. Okay, so I'm going to give a little backstory because it won't make sense if I just go right into the current offering. So it's interesting, but in my life and in my work, it's almost as if, if I have a struggle, I go through that struggle.
Ali Nowicki 00:06:14 I solve it, I come up with a framework for how I solved it, and then I teach it to other people. And I'm very transparent about, you know, that I've struggled with this too. And so anything from emotional eating when I was significantly overweight, when I had a lot of family kind of issues with my own immediate family, where we went to family therapy, where I was very dysregulated in general, always running super hot and not recognizing it. And so last year I really started to get interested into stress work, but on a deeper level. For a while I was very much ingrained in DBT. So dialectical behavioral therapy, which really targets more of the emotional processing and one of the reasons why your work really resonated with me is because just doing breathwork with you and learning that really helped me to target that emotional aspect for me. And so when I went more into the work, I started really kind of observing and studying my clients. And what I noticed is that I could teach the same topic or I could give the same circumstance, but people would respond differently, and maybe they were all stressed in that response.
Ali Nowicki 00:07:30 And even if they were stressed in that response, it still looked different. And I became fascinated with it. And so what I did is I actually consulted with all of the DBT work, and it helps that Mark's a child psychiatrist and an adult psychiatrist because he really understands, you know, kind of all of the the science and what's out there. And we came up with this idea that there are six dominant stress types that we respond with when we're under stress. Now, the great thing is that these stress response types, they have really good features too. However, we can't really access those if we're really stressed. And so the focus was okay, so what are the blind spots when we're really stressed and how do we respond? And so what we wanted up doing is we created a quiz. We have since validated that quiz. And what that means in plain terms is that when you take that quiz, it it is a proven tool to show that the answer you get is likely the right answer.
Ali Nowicki 00:08:26 And so that was amazing. And what it did for people for for women in particular, actually men too. Now that we've tested it in all groups, is that it just gives language to complicated topics. So a lot of people are not going to sit around the fire and talk about like, shame and disgrace and disappointment, like that's not what we're doing, but we can definitely talk about, you know, language where we're using numbers, right. And we understand it because we're speaking the same language. So this was awesome. And so for the past year we've been doing this just with single person. So I'm working with, let's just say a woman. And we are going all in on what her stress type is, and we're learning all the things that go along with that, how she relates to other people. What I started to see happening because this tool was so effective is that now many women, because I work primarily with women, were getting very disgruntled in their personal and work relationships. And I'm not surprised because it's the whole idea that when we are putting the work in to have better tools to be able to better ourselves and others aren't coming along, they're just staying exactly where they've always been.
Ali Nowicki 00:09:42 It's that whole phrase of I outgrew them. Now, the problem is, if it's your family or your partner and you made a commitment, that's that's a little more complicated. So what we realized is that it's not we're not doing the full scale of our work. If we're only giving the person we're directly seeing the work. So we have to extend that further. And we actually have to see say, okay, so how do you now show up in the system? So you're the one holding the regulation. So the person that's holding the container so you you're holding the container because you have the tools. Okay. So the most regulated person in the room typically carries the biggest burden because they're carrying the container. Right. And then the most dysregulated people in the room they're bringing the energy. So how do we meet that gap. And so initially we decided we were going to then create the family stress type scale, which we did. And we have a quiz for that which also works beautifully. Okay.
Ali Nowicki 00:10:44 So now they know how their family responds to Distress. Number one issue is that getting buy in from the family, because half the time the family doesn't even think there's a problem because we're holding the container. And so we're the ones that are stressed. They're not.
Brenda Winkle 00:10:58 That's right.
Ali Nowicki 00:10:58 So what. Right. So what we actually had to do is yes, it's for the family. However, the person, usually the woman, the high performing woman is going to be learning how to insert it into their family. So yes, it starts with us again. However, this time the framework is okay, this is where we start and this is how we slowly introduce this to the family so that they can get buy in. It was funny, I actually gave worksheets in transform and I said, okay, here is a three step process. Bring it to your family, try it out. And yesterday a woman commented and said, well, I brought it to the table and my husband was laughing at me and my daughter asked me how much she paid for this program.
Ali Nowicki 00:11:43 And and it was typical, right? It didn't offend me because it's so typical. And I said, oh my goodness. If you look at the first line of the writing on this, this is what I say. This is to the regulated one, the one that holds the container. And yes, this work is for you. And yes, it will become work for them. But the buy in will not be immediate. And I think that that can be frustrating if we don't name it out loud.
Brenda Winkle 00:12:08 I love everything about this, because one of the things that I have found through working with my clients, who are exactly the women that you describe, the high performers, the emotionally intelligent, very often high levels of empathy, very intuitive is that they are literally holding on for dear life and they're holding on to their family. They're holding the family system, they're the emotional container, they're the emotional regulation for everyone. And by the time they come work with me, they have begun to feel like the doors are falling off and they're ready to blow it all up, even though there's some really good parts.
Brenda Winkle 00:12:50 And so I love that this is a way for people to integrate the work that they have been doing with their family. It's absolutely brilliant.
Ali Nowicki 00:13:01 I have never been more excited about a program and it's so funny. I know you know that because we have been working up to this, we needed to create a space so that this would kind of blossom. And the thing that I was not clear on was, how am I going to get to see? Or how am I going to allow women to see that this is just not another thing that they're going to have to do, right? Initially, yes. Initially, yes. It will be me that signs up right. It will be me that wants to do the work. However, this is kind of crafted in a way where I call it the arc method. And I'll kind of tell you what that is because distress that's the individual work. So with the distress what happens is it's a very clear 12 step framework. It's very simple for families. It's much it's much smaller.
Ali Nowicki 00:13:56 So it's called the arc. So it's arc it's really simple. It's awareness regulation communication and connection. And so actually the whole thing takes four weeks and it takes four weeks to actually understand it. And then it takes about six months to a year to integrate it in the family system. And so the first part is the awareness. How does the family show up in stress. So what is the family stress type. And we think there's four. So it's a reactivity autopilot silent and disconnected. Now here's the really cool thing. When you look at individual stress types. And there's six of those. And I won't confuse things right now, but there's six of those. We typically stick with that type as our dominant. It's not that we can't take on the other types, but that dominant is typically standard and will stay, and it's really hard to get rid of that. But the family is different. Your family can shift into a different dynamic, a different stress response with the insertion of one person. And perfect example is my household is a reactive household.
Ali Nowicki 00:14:59 Okay. So essentially we are going to come in hot and we run hot when we're stressed. Now our stress types, my husband and I were validation types. And our kids, they are. We don't know what they are yet. Anyway, we're a reactive household. You put my dad in the picture who is a very assertive stress type. Our family becomes silent.
Brenda Winkle 00:15:26 Isn't that interesting?
Ali Nowicki 00:15:28 Yep. So it's the awareness piece and then it's the regulation. So this is where we really kind of teach the regulation tools on the individual and also then the family level. And then from there it's the communication. So we teach the communication skills because we all think we're great communicators.
Brenda Winkle 00:15:47 We all do.
Ali Nowicki 00:15:49 I'm like, I'm so good at communicating. I actually stink at communicating. I realized the other day that I need to. So I wasn't asking enough questions. Somebody would share something like really big with me, and I would ask a question and move on. I'm like, no, I'm going to stay here for a little bit.
Ali Nowicki 00:16:04 We're going to stay here and we're going to ask some more questions. And so communication. And then the final piece is the connection. And the connection piece is really the ultimate. Now the really cool thing is of those stress types they all have of those four things, the arc, they all have one thing that really stands out. So for example the reactivity family regulation problem. But they still have to learn the arc if you have. Right. If you have a disconnected family connection problem, if you have, autopilot, it's awareness. Usually they don't have awareness because that's the family that says, oh, well, we don't have anything wrong. We're totally fine.
Brenda Winkle 00:16:42 We're fine. There's no problem. We're not. There's nothing to see here.
Ali Nowicki 00:16:46 Nothing to see here. And then silent is typically a communication issue. But the beautiful thing is we can shift into any of those. And that's why the the arc and I call it arc because we developed this after Covid. our family was a mess.
Ali Nowicki 00:17:02 We we really were, we we were I was depressed, I was really depressed. And I went to my husband and said, I'm really depressed. And I'm thinking he's going to be comforting and say something like, oh, it's okay, we got this. And he's like, so am I. And we almost didn't go to get help because we were kind of ashamed that I'm a pediatrician. He's a child psychiatrist, and we couldn't figure it out for our own family. So that's when we went to family therapy. And with all of that, like the DBT principles, is kind of where this all, all comes from because it was so effective for us. And so what we did. I started speaking on this and people were asking me if they could, if I could recommend a therapist that did this, and I couldn't because I had one and it was mine. And she's in Pennsylvania. So unless you're in Pennsylvania, I don't have anything for you. So we looked on the internet. We looked for family programs using DBT methods.
Ali Nowicki 00:17:58 We looked for everything. We were going to sign up. We were like, we'll sign up and then we can recommend we couldn't find anything. So then we just decided to create it.
Brenda Winkle 00:18:06 I love that, and I think that there's so much wisdom in creating the thing that you most need. That's the whole reason my business exists is because there was nothing around that helped the intuitive, the empathic be the powerful women that we actually are. If we stop taking on everything from everyone else. And so I love that one of the things that I so admire about you is your willingness to take space when you need it. It's not always easy. It's not always simple. But you're willing to do it to allow the new idea to form. Yeah, and that's one of the ways that I have watched you again and again and again access your intuition. And because you're willing to take the time to allow whatever it is to land without an agenda, without a deadline. I've watched you create again and again and again these incredible programs that truly change lives.
Ali Nowicki 00:19:11 Thank you.
Brenda Winkle 00:19:12 You're welcome.
Ali Nowicki 00:19:13 You've had a lot to do with that, honestly. And the reminder that it doesn't have to happen right now. That nothing's gone wrong, that the space you are. This has stuck with me. You said, Ali, you think that productivity is showing that you're doing the right work, but part of your personal. And that's what I love about you. You make it so personalized, but your personal productivity. Actually, you need way more rest. Your productivity is in your rest. And I really took that to heart and I went to work on that. I went to I just was in Aruba for a week, and I have a whole new website now because I was able to rest and I now have it's coming out. It's I'm literally shifting my new URL to my name, Ali Nowicki, MD, because now that I have these frameworks that really work across kids to adults, to families, and I think that that's the other part with my medical background is that longevity and health span are things that are really important to me.
Ali Nowicki 00:20:13 And that's, you know, I don't teach weight loss to fit into a size gene. I teach it to have better glucose regulation and less inflammation in your body so that you can have a long and happy and healthy and you feel amazing kind of life. But in terms of the longevity piece, it actually starts in childhood. And one of the things that I also looked for, because I would have loved to sign my daughters up for is the the the kids program version of what I do, and it just really wasn't it's not there if you look and a lot of people aren't going to prescribe strength training to kids because there's so much literature out there and so much confusion on can kids do strength training when we know that, you know, the more muscle mass you have, you're going to have more longevity, you're going to have better glucose control. You're not going to break a hip as easily when you get to that age. It starts in childhood. And so really my programs span, they span the entire lifespan, but starting in childhood.
Ali Nowicki 00:21:12 And I would even say, you know, my actual role when I was working in the hospital is I'm an intensive care doctor for newborns. And so I would be in the delivery room where I would see the highest amount of stress, probably a family could have having a premature baby in this delivery room, you could feel the stress. So what do you think happens now? The baby's born? Parents are stressed. The kid is stressed because the kid was born a little too early, or maybe had an illness or or whatever. And so you see it right there. And so the interesting thing, and I think part of my journey and the gifts I've been given is that I have the perspective really on the lifespan. And at the other end, my brother is an intensive care doctor for adults, and my dad does geriatrics. So it's that whole lifespan that I've really now, because you said I'm able to take a step back. I can see that that's a gift, that I have that view.
Brenda Winkle 00:22:07 It is a gift. It's such a gift. And to add to what you said, to overlap our work, there's something called emotional contagion, which we've known about since the 90s. And it is literally a physiological effect where an emotion that's really strong can run through an entire population of people. So whether we're talking about the stress in the delivery room or the stress around the dining room table, or the stress at the extended family dinner. If we're not managing our stress, our emotions are going to run, are going to run us, and our emotions are not facts. And that's really hard to. It's really hard to remember because our emotions feel like they're they feel like facts, but our emotions are not facts. Yeah.
Ali Nowicki 00:22:58 No I absolutely and just kind of shifting that into their little alarm clocks and so just noticing oh wow. There's that pit in my stomach that makes me want to throw up. That's a cool alarm clock. What's that telling me? And before that was where the emotional eating came in for me.
Ali Nowicki 00:23:17 I didn't want to feel that. So I would just get rid of it. And now I'm like, okay, that's amazing. Why would I want to get rid of that? That's my alarm clock. Giving me some intuitive message on this is my body's actually talking to me.
Brenda Winkle 00:23:31 I love this and so many times I hear this from clients. When they start working with me, they're complaining of headaches, but then they talk about taking something for them instead of getting curious around what is the headache. Telling me not to say all headaches are emotional. They're not. But a lot of them are. Yeah, and I know for me, when I was teaching full time, this just came full circle for me when something came up in my Facebook memories, it was the last day of school that I was teaching in a district I'd been in for many, many years, and I was holding up a sticker that said I survived five first days of school. It was during Covid where we had like a virtual day, a hybrid day, a virtual day, a hybrid day, everyone in person, all in the same year.
Brenda Winkle 00:24:14 I was living in Idaho, where the pandemic essentially ended in August of 2020 and the rest of the world, it took a little bit longer for the world to come back, and I was so stressed and so depleted and so emotionally Overspent that even in the photograph, my eyes aren't equally open. I have dark circles under my eyes, and at the time, if you would have asked me if I was stressed or emotionally regulated, I would probably said, well, yeah, I'm a little stressed, but I had no concept of the actual toll that was happening inside my body. And it wasn't until I shifted everything that I began to feel better and have access again to my thoughts and to my intuition. And it's so interesting because I maybe wouldn't have had to blow up my life. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?
Ali Nowicki 00:25:12 I'm glad you did okay.
Brenda Winkle 00:25:14 For me too.
Ali Nowicki 00:25:15 For my purpose. I'm glad you did. And you're right. And so one of the things that is really hard for a lot of my clients to hear is that this is the end game.
Ali Nowicki 00:25:24 Nothing's going to change. How do you choose to feel about it?
Brenda Winkle 00:25:28 Yes, it's that part. We have choices to make, and a lot of our choices are how we're going to approach something, how we're going to shift our perspective. That's the choice.
Ali Nowicki 00:25:42 Yeah. And it's hard when you have an ego. I mean, we all have an ego. We were born with an ego. And it's it's hard because I want it to be somebody. Like back in the day, before I had tools. I wanted it to be somebody else's fault. I wanted it to be. This had nothing to do with me. I just happened to be the, you know, I just happened to be the bystander. And this happened to me. And I really now can see that all of those were messages to show me that, yeah, I do have a role here.
Brenda Winkle 00:26:11 I love this. I was saying yesterday in a group call that one of my tells that I'm dysregulated is a tendency to blame.
Brenda Winkle 00:26:21 If I'm going into any blame about it's their fault. It's this fault. It's this situation. I know that I'm not in the fullness of myself.
Ali Nowicki 00:26:29 Yes.
Brenda Winkle 00:26:30 When there's blame.
Ali Nowicki 00:26:32 Funny you say that. Because mine, I know it. Mine is, mine is I personalize everything.
Brenda Winkle 00:26:38 Oh.
Ali Nowicki 00:26:39 Yeah. So when I am in that space, all of a sudden now everything is about me. They. They said this because this is about me. And we know that most things are never about us.
Brenda Winkle 00:26:55 That's right.
Ali Nowicki 00:26:56 But I personalize it and I start really kind of second guessing myself. And that goes into my validation stress type which needs external validation. So if somebody is not giving me that and I'm already under stress, I start to really personalize that. There is a problem with me.
Brenda Winkle 00:27:14 And see I'm an assertive stress type. And so the more stressed I am the more I will subconsciously try to control everything.
Ali Nowicki 00:27:26 Perfect and actually assertive. So regulated, assertive and regulated validation types are a dynamic team.
Ali Nowicki 00:27:35 Because when we're regulated, the assertive. You are an amazing leader and you have all of your people's back like you will go to bat for them. And as a validation type, I make assertive types feel human because usually they're leading and people can be afraid of them when they're dysregulated, but I can make them feel like they have the same rights as everybody else, and that they can actually take a breath to. And so that dynamic is is magical. And actually, I will tell you, my closest friends are all assertive types who are able to regulate.
Brenda Winkle 00:28:11 Yes. Who are able to regulate. Yes. That's amazing. So when we very first started working together, I was trying to think when it was and I think it was like 2023 and we had attended this amazing retreat in New York City and gotten to meet in person, even though we'd worked online for a few months before that. And I was just thinking about the evolution. And the interesting thing about the evolution is I don't feel like the mission has changed.
Ali Nowicki 00:28:44 No it hasn't. It really hasn't.
Brenda Winkle 00:28:49 So I'd love to know your take on this, because for me, sometimes I get in my head and I think, oh, I'm just thinking of this for the very first time ever. And then I look back to work I've been doing for years and years, and it's the same theme running through it, which is self trust, empowerment, trust your intuition, embodiment, boundaries, regulation. Yeah. And it's all the same. But in my mind, because it's gone through so many evolutions of my own personal growth, it feels new. Yeah. What's your take on that?
Ali Nowicki 00:29:21 Yeah, absolutely. I could not agree more. So I think the realization that I've had is that, you know, we all come here, I would say with, with a purpose. I do believe that. And I also think we come here obviously with some lessons to learn. And I think the biggest lessons that and this is me kind of going more into my intuition wellness.
Ali Nowicki 00:29:45 But I think that the lesson I really am supposed to optimize, or I'm really supposed to learn and also gain really strong tools for is boundary setting. And I've been set up in a way where, you know, I'm the validation stress type, I'm a people pleaser. I, you know, I have everything that would allow somebody to have poor boundaries. And so what I've seen is that they keep showing up the opportunity to set a boundary, keep showing up, but in a different disguise. And the evolution has been that they keep getting bigger. Because if you gave me some of the things I'd have to put boundaries on now, there is no way I would have done them at that in 2023. No way, no how. No way. And now that's like a joke. I do that with my eyes closed and then I say, okay, what's the next boundary? Like what's the next thing? And I'm finding that instead of me putting a wall up, it's more about me having an ask and having the boundary around self-doubt.
Ali Nowicki 00:30:52 So it's almost like, okay, so now I'm going to put a big boundary around the negative self-talk. When I put myself out there in a way that I haven't before. Like I'm all belly up, right? And to not backtrack because I feel so exposed.
Brenda Winkle 00:31:07 Oh, I love I love this. And so the boundary work that was my work too. Even with as an assertive stress type, I have complex PTSD. And so my go to was to people please, like my life depended on it because that was how I made it through many, many years of my life. And so I think the reason I was so drawn to teaching boundaries was because I needed them. And so it's it's this thing that keeps coming back of we teach what we most need to know. And the other cool thing is what you were saying about the boundaries get bigger and bigger and bigger. I have found that too. And I have found that the the work in setting boundaries, it gets easier because you have like a muscle memory on it.
Brenda Winkle 00:31:54 But you maybe you said something important, which is that you still think about it. And I think that there's people out there who think that there's going to be a box that will be checked at some point when you, like, have been you're done healing the boundaries. You're done thinking about the boundaries, and it just happens. That's not been my experience. And it sounds like that's not your experience either.
Ali Nowicki 00:32:19 No. And I don't anticipate. I anticipate that the future of me will be constant boundary setting, but in bigger ways, and knowing that the bigger it feels, it just means there's been more progress.
Brenda Winkle 00:32:34 I love this. Yeah. I think that one of the boundaries in like a real general term as we evolve is around protecting our time and protecting our energy and creating the spaciousness. At least that's been my experience. And you alluded to that at the beginning of our conversation today.
Ali Nowicki 00:32:54 Yeah, I actually have a story that can really, I would say represent that. And it just happened.
Ali Nowicki 00:33:01 So I was at a conference that I've gone to a lot, and I typically speak there and lead workouts. And so this particular time I was just leading the morning workouts. So that means it's 45 minutes for three mornings. However, I love going to this. I love going to Aruba. This is where it was. And so I actually took a whole week for myself and I. I'm good friends with the conference owner, and I said, I will offend you if I don't come to the lectures, I'm going to do my workouts. But I really I really have not taken a vacation in quite a long time, and I really think I need that. And so I gave myself full permission. One of my best friends came with me and, you know, she was all on board. And it turns out we both needed the same thing. So I was in total Ali chill. I'm not on mode. And I had somebody come up to me who knows me quite well because they're in one of my smaller groups and I adore this person.
Ali Nowicki 00:34:01 And she said, are we okay? Is everything okay? I said, oh my gosh, it happened. I said, I told, I told you all this in a call. The minute I am not on, somebody thinks that something is wrong and they think it's about them. And I really grappled with that because I'm like, okay, so on one hand I'm supposed to allow spaciousness and my people pleasing really stresses me out because I don't want to upset other people, even though I know I have no control over their emotions yet. I also know that they care about me. And that just feels like this double edged sword sometimes. And it just really hit me in the face. And so I said okay how do I want to feel about this then. Do I want to be pissed because I feel like I just can't let down. And when I do, everybody has something to say about it? Or do I do it and say, listen, you just haven't seen the side of me like, this is what this is what? Ally disconnected.
Ali Nowicki 00:35:04 You probably do feel disconnected because I'm completely connected to myself right now, and that's what matters to me. And I understand if the energy feels different because I'm usually on.
Brenda Winkle 00:35:16 And we're okay.
Ali Nowicki 00:35:17 And we're okay. And she said oh okay. Good. Ooh. I'm like yeah we're good. Nothing's going wrong here.
Brenda Winkle 00:35:24 Yeah that's so relatable. So I made a big mistake in 2024. I could see the writing on the wall. My dad was failing and I needed I needed some continuity. And so I made a classic mistake of getting that from my business. And, you know, if we if we have unmet needs in life, we will try to get them met in our businesses, if for sure address them. And so in this case, I set it up so that I was going to do a years long, a year long container where we met three times a week. We met for two breathwork sessions and a training call for an entire year. And I priced it too low.
Ali Nowicki 00:36:10 Yep.
Brenda Winkle 00:36:11 It was not it was not a fair energy exchange and it was undersold. So there weren't enough people in it to make it worth it. And I had an option to refund money to do things. But because of my own emotional state being tender, I knew I needed something consistent to log into. So I continued with it. But I never gave. Like there's never been over giving. And when 2025 hit and I pulled back from that, it was really jarring to the people in my community because like you just explained, it felt like I had dropped them. It felt like I didn't care about them, and that was not the case at all. What had happened was I needed to pour back into Brenda.
Ali Nowicki 00:37:02 Yeah, I've done that. I completely I actually I just got done doing that and now I so Wow. It's so interesting because, Isn't. I totally get that. It's the over delivery. And when's the last time we over delivered to ourselves? And do you feel like you were able to do that? Do you feel like you were able to pour into you once you recognized it after your.
Brenda Winkle 00:37:33 Yeah. It wasn't an immediate thing. It didn't happen. Like pulling off the Band-Aid. It was sort of like turning the Titanic. And so it was, you know, a little of adjustment here, a little adjustment there. It meant some financial hits because I, I needed to push pause on the entire program and not relaunch it. And that was really scary. But now it's reconfiguring in a different way that's more sustainable. And the cool thing is that the same clients are getting better results because now they're responsible for the implementation.
Ali Nowicki 00:38:13 I love this so much. You know, I see. Definitely a parallel. I've I've done that. I've over given, you know, undersold it. Underpriced it. and then to date, the most fulfilling group that I have had. That I feel pause as much into me as I give is this current small group I have and. It was priced perfectly. It wasn't the most expensive offer I've ever had, but. It was certainly not the the least amount.
Ali Nowicki 00:38:44 It's it's perfect. And it feels just it feels like spacious.
Brenda Winkle 00:38:51 Yeah. I think when that for me it also feels that way when it's the right mix there's spaciousness. I don't feel like I'm being pulled in any direction. It feels reciprocal. It feels easy. I'm still working. Obviously. But there's an ease.
Ali Nowicki 00:39:10 Definitely, absolutely no, I love that and I resonate with that.
Brenda Winkle 00:39:16 Yeah, I'm going to put all of the links for every program, for the stress, for transform, for fit Kid. in the show notes. And I love for people to connect with you in a way that makes the most sense for you. So where would you love people to connect with you?
Ali Nowicki 00:39:39 Oh, that's so great. Thank you so much. so honestly, getting on our email list, which is really easy, it's just, so we'll I know you'll we're actually, believe it or not, our new website goes live today, and it's it's basically it's amazing. Yeah. It's my name. It's Ali Nowicki MD okay.
Ali Nowicki 00:39:58 And all they have to do, they can either just opt in to get the newsletter. They can take the, personal stress quiz. I have a lot of free podcasts. They're actually going to be right on that website where they can listen to it for free and really get a lot of education. There's the family stress type quiz on there, so there's a lot of opportunities to opt in if they are interested. but I will say the newsletter I sent a newsletter every week and basically it's, you know, I'm really I like to be really real with my list and I just tell them about what's going on. And then I also just kind of keep them updated on what I'm doing and what's available. So I think that's the best way, because they can reply if they get an email and they want to reply to us like we're on. I mean, we have a small team, we're on the back end answering it. So I think that that's honestly the most personalized way.
Brenda Winkle 00:40:45 Amazing.
Ali Nowicki 00:40:46 In touch with us.
Brenda Winkle 00:40:46 Yeah, I, I love subscribing to your list. I, I feel like it's really important for me to serve you in the highest and best way if I am consuming your content. And so I take that really seriously, but I benefit from it. I love your emails, and I love that you tell the stories and you share what's happening with your family, or where you're traveling or what you're thinking about. And so I highly recommend.
Ali Nowicki 00:41:15 Well, thank you so much. No, I and I feel the same about you because, you know, having your breathwork series in our programming is just next level. I mean, we have literally your breathwork program. Well, you know, you. Yeah, you made a special it's not your full on, but you made us specialize for, for the purposes of, of what I do, which is really special.
Brenda Winkle 00:41:35 So yeah it's customized. Oh thank you.
Ali Nowicki 00:41:38 Yes I love that you do that. I think that that's like such an I, I really think that anybody who's in the holistic health space should definitely reach out to have you create that for them, because it's really been just it's been very, very, very successful in all of our programs.
Brenda Winkle 00:41:56 Thank you for sharing that. It's been really rewarding to watch people ask questions about it and practice some of the techniques and get results. And so I've really enjoyed that. Ali thank you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being here today. And thank you for doing the work that you're doing in the world.
Ali Nowicki 00:42:15 Oh, thank you so much. And I enjoyed, as always, spending time with you. Thank you.
Brenda Winkle 00:42:21 If you are the person in your family holding everything together, the emotional container, the nervous system, regulation, the peacekeeper, you're the one doing all the self-development work while everyone else stays the same. I hope that this conversation helps you feel a little less alone. And because so many emotionally intelligent women are exhausted not from weakness, but from carrying the emotional weight that was never meant to be held by one person. And honestly, this is a really huge part of healing. It's learning to stay connected to yourself while still loving the people around you. You don't have to abandon yourself to maintain harmony.
Brenda Winkle 00:43:09 You don't have to blow up your whole life because you're overwhelmed, although you can. I did, and that was the right thing for me. But by learning how to regulate, communicate and lead differently. And that's exactly why I am so excited to support Allie's new Family Reset program. So I'm going to put the links in the show notes so that you can check it out. I am one of her affiliates, which means that I do receive financial compensation if you choose to buy from that link. And I also want to invite you into a free workshop that Allie is hosting on Sunday, May 31st at 8 p.m. eastern, 5 p.m. Pacific. Called the regulation mistake. You love them and you're so tired of carrying it alone. And I'm going to put the link for that workshop in the show notes, and if you don't have a chance to attend that workshop live, don't worry, because I will be adding it to a page so that you can catch a replay, and in that case, just reach out.
Brenda Winkle 00:44:19 Thank you so much for listening today. If you enjoyed this episode, would you please consider tagging Ali and I on social media? Wherever you are letting us know what you liked. Let us know if you have any questions and if you could please leave the podcast a rating and review. It would be so helpful. Thank you for helping us get the podcast into the ears of more listeners, and for helping us help families stay together by reducing their stress and increasing nervous system regulation. Thank you so much for being here. Bye for now. I'll see you next week.
