Brenda 00:00:00 Welcome to your yes filled life. I'm Brenda Winkle, an intuitive leadership coach and somatic guide for high performers, high achievers who want more freedom, ease, joy and energy. You are a visionary, leader driven, intuitive and ready for more more flow in your work, more presence and joy in your life and relationships. More trust in yourself and the decisions you make every day. Here we explore the intersection of intuition, leadership, and energetic sovereignty, blending practical strategy with energetic alignment so you can create success that feels deeply fulfilling at work, at home, in your relationships, and in your own well-being. You'll hear inspiring stories, practical strategies, and high level conversations designed to help you integrate the woo into your daily life. Because when your energy is aligned, everything flows ready to elevate how you lead and live. Start by downloading my free Energy audit at Forward Slash Audit and discover what's fueling or depleting you. Let's do this. Your yes filled life starts. Hello and welcome to your yes filled life.
Brenda 00:01:17 I'm your host, Brenda Winkle. Today on the podcast, we are going behind the scenes for day three of the Yes to Me journey. In this conversation, we're going to be talking about finding ways to find more joy to lighten the load of being deeply compassionate and empathic. And we're going to talk about ways that you can find joy on a day to day basis, even if you can't really think of anything that brings you joy. If you're really stuck in a moment, I'm going to share some personal stories about what it was like to recognize that I didn't even know if I liked roast beef, and I've shared that one before on the podcast, but I'm sharing it again. We're going to talk about the importance of finding your why and getting clear on that. And you're going to hear from some of the participants of the Yes to Me journey inside this really special episode. We're going to be talking about how sometimes you just need to step away for a moment to find clarity. And I hope that you'll listen and then feel inspired to start living your yes filled life in an even deeper way.
Brenda 00:02:31 I know you're already living it, or you wouldn't be here. But even more deeply, where you can carve out little periods of time for yourself, where you can give yourself what you need and still meet the needs of the people around you. So without further ado, let's dive in into. How are you feeling about everything we've talked about? Finding the why. Finding the what? Or getting clear on what might be fun. And then building awareness around. Are there any incongruities that might be making the what hard how? How are you feeling? How is it all landing? If it's easier, you can come off of mute. If you prefer, you can put it in the chat. Feeling hopeful this could happen. Yeah, I love that. That's amazing.
Kendra 00:03:24 I don't think I've thought much about the why, and I think I'm, I don't know, I mean, I kind of feel like maybe that's where my block has been over the last number of months is not having a strong enough.
Kendra 00:03:37 Why.
Brenda 00:03:39 That's such good awareness I love that because that could be that could be exactly the thing I love it I'm seeing feeling closer to some clarity. Amazing. Oh gosh this is so good. So I was in a one on one yesterday with one of my clients and or two days ago, and we were talking about her why? And we were talking about we've been working on this and she is, a surgeon and she wants to start a coaching business, and she comes up against the same thing that so many of us do where we're actually very, very qualified to do the things that we want to do because of our life experiences, because of our education, because of our own, like personal education, in terms of things that you have studied because they're important to you. And so she's in the same boat, she's a surgeon, she's a certified, a certified coach, and she's still feeling like, I don't know how to to do this business part because, like, who's going to become my client? And as we've worked together, we're realizing that she had a belief that was not serving her.
Brenda 00:05:02 That she wouldn't. Would lose out on time with her family if she built this business. And that was one of the incongruities. And so we're still in that messy middle. But I'm just naming that when you can admit to yourself the fear, the block, the challenge, then you can start to work on it. So in most cases, it's not what we think it is. So in her case, she was worried it was going to take away time for her family. But when we really dove into it, that was not actually the thing. The thing was, if she sets aside to do work on her business and her husband says, what are you doing tomorrow? Let's say, and she's got that time tomorrow. If there's not a client in front of her. On her schedule, she'll say nothing. And then her husband will say, great, I'm going to go do this. And then that time just disappeared. And so now she really is missing out on time with her kids because her husband is gone and now her kids need her to be there.
Brenda 00:06:18 So now it's no longer an option for her to work in her business. When the simple shift that we could make is, I'm going to work on the business for an hour from 6 to 7, and her husband would be like, oh, okay. And then he's doing something with the kids. She's not missing out on that time, and she's working in the business. So a lot of times the things that we think are really big blocks, we're just we can't see our nose for our face. Right? That's why I have coaches Because we can't see our own nose for our face. So as we're working through this, as you come up against anything that feels like I'm scared or I can't or I'm worried, that invitation to say it out loud, even if it's just to yourself or in your journal. Oh, and I'm seeing I sometimes feel like I've been taking care of everybody else's needs so long that I don't even know what mine are. Yes. Yes. I hear this all the time.
Brenda 00:07:28 And I promise you, everyone here and everyone watching the replay is just glad that you said that right now. Thank you. Because that is so relatable. And that that was really my case too. So when I first started a healing journey, I was like, okay, I'm going to go really create a life that I'm choosing to create. And then I would have the time to do it. And I'm like, I can't remember what I wanted to create, I can't remember what I, I don't even know what I like. How could I possibly create a life that I like? And so I've told this story before, but I think it's really relevant. One day was about a year after I had gone through a divorce. I came home and Maya and I, my daughter, we had worked through a lot of different things because I had the awareness that I wasn't fully present with her, and I wanted to be present with her, and I wanted to do quality time types of activities with her.
Brenda 00:08:28 But because of my own PTSD, it was really tough to to be present. And so sometimes when there would be time, neither one of us could remember anything that we wanted to do, and then we would end up like doing nothing or watching a show or something. Not that watching a show is bad, but that's not what we wanted to do. And so we set out on the dining room table one afternoon when we were feeling really good. And we cut up a piece of printer paper, just a plain white piece of paper into little tabs. They're about that big. They're about like, one inch by half an inch. And on the tabs, we each wrote as many things as we could think of that we liked even a little bit. So we had coloring, sidewalk chalk, bubbles, going to the river, going to the park, playing with the dogs, playing out front with the dogs, playing out back with the dogs, going for a walk with the dogs. We literally thought of every single thing that we liked and we made as many tabs as we could think of.
Brenda 00:09:32 So even so far as coloring with colored pencils, coloring with crayons, coloring on our own, like creating our own art, or filling in like one of those mandalas, or using a coloring book so that we had as many options as possible. And then we put them into a vase. It was like a Rose Bowl vase based around face on the kitchen counter, and we folded them up. And then each time that we had time, we would draw from that Rose Bowl, and over time, it got to where we would start putting things back. We're like, no, I don't want to do that. I want to do this. And we would dig in there until we got the thing that we really wanted. And then eventually we stopped using it all together. But that Rose Bowl sat on my kitchen counter for about seven years. Just as a reminder, there's stuff that we like to do now. It ended up to be that we would start. We kind of got into a thing where we would do the same version of the thing, like we loved to go to the Boise River, and so we would go to the Boise River, but we would go to different starting points.
Brenda 00:10:43 And that became the variety. And then one of those days that we were at the Boise River, We had gone to one of our favorite places where you could park the car and you just get right on the green belt because there's 25 miles of trails along the Boise River. It's absolutely beautiful, and it's two way walking and biking, and dogs can go and people can go, and it's just beautiful. And it's right next to the river. So it can be cooler than in other parts of town. And Boise's in the high desert. So in the summer it's screaming hot. So this was a relief too. So one day we came home. I walk into the house and there's the smell of roast beef as soon as you walk into the house, because I had put it in the crock pot and I was like, Like something just hit me that time that felt a little funny. And I was just thinking to myself, something's off here, but I don't know what. So I just started asking myself questions.
Brenda 00:11:45 Do I enjoy putting things in the crock pot? Yeah. It's really nice to come home and have a meal. That's I like that. Do I like the carrots? Yes. I love crock pot carrots. They're just so tender and sweet and they're delicious. Do I like the potatoes? Yes. I especially like it when they get a little crunchy on the side. It's so good. Do I like the onions? Well. They're okay. I mean, I think they add to the flavor, but I could give or take. Do I like the roast beef? No. And I went, what? Wait. And I asked myself again, do I like roast beef? No, I don't like roast beef. I had made roast beef every Sunday for 15 years. 15 years of making roast beef every Sunday without any awareness that I don't actually like roast beef. So when I say that, I relate to what you're saying about don't even know what your desires are, I am telling you, I relate deeply.
Brenda 00:12:51 I know what this is like and a lot of it, as we come into this work that we're doing this week, is giving yourself permission to try things, giving yourself permission to feel into. Would this be fun? And here's the thing. Not everything you do is going to be fun. In part of my exploration, I went on a girls trip to Las Vegas and it was not your typical Las Vegas like, bachelorette party. Stripper Thunder Down Under kind of show. It was. We were going to ride as many roller coasters and rides as we possibly could. So we went indoor skydiving. We went to New York, New York, and we took the roller coaster there. We went to the stratosphere and did that horrible ride. we did every ride we could find in Las Vegas on the strip. And off. And then at the end of that trip, I had so much fun with my friends. Oh, we went zip lining down Fremont Street. I mean, we did everything we could do.
Brenda 00:14:02 And at the end of the trip, you know what I said? I don't like roller coasters, but I wouldn't have known that had I not totally just, like, gone for it and been like, let me just try it. Let me see if this is fun. And we have to be willing to try and see if this is fun. Now, maybe your thing isn't roller coasters. Maybe your thing is writing a book, or hosting a podcast, or starting a group, or starting a business. It doesn't. Doesn't matter. Give yourself permission to try it. And if you like it, keep going. And if you don't do something different. Life's supposed to be fun. And it's not like by deciding you're going to try something that you are committing to it for the rest of your life. Yesterday I was on a podcast. It was called Millionaire by Morning and the host was Rashad Churchill and he was asking me questions and it made me think of things I hadn't even thought of for a long time.
Brenda 00:15:01 He asked when I started this business, and I was like, well, that's not a clean answer. I can't tell you, like when when this business happened. And here's why. I was a Mary Kay beauty consultant, and I had a really good time doing that, right up until I started taking before and after pictures of my clients. So I would take before picture, before we did their makeover and then after. And the photography part was so fun that I let go of the Mary Kay business, and I started a photography studio. So then I was a photographer for like three years, and I had a photography studio in my house, and I was taking pictures of families. I did weddings, and I landed on women's glamour photography. And that was that was my niche. I did women's glamour photography for about a year and a half. And I loved it. But the part I loved the most was talking to people. I loved the before and after conversations. And I felt like, oh my gosh, this is kind of what I want to do.
Brenda 00:16:05 Right about that time, I discovered Reiki. So then I was building an email list and I was building a business, and I just flipped the whole thing over and I was like, oh, hey, by the way, I'm not going to take pictures anymore. I'm going to do this. If you want to come along for the ride, come along with me. And that was in 2015. And even since 2015, there's been different iterations. So I had a like an in-person Reiki space that I rented and people could come and they would have Reiki theta healing psychic readings in my office space that I rented with my friend Cathy. And then that lasted about two years. And then in 2017, I was like, this is not fun anymore. I don't like leaving my house and paying rent. I wanted to go online, so I took my business online in 2017. And now this has been a little bit stable since 2017. But even if you've been with me three years, you've seen the iterations that I'm going through, right? It's because I'm chasing fun.
Brenda 00:17:04 If it's not fun for me, I don't want to do it. So I'm making sure that it's really, really fun. And one of the things that I had to get over was worrying about, what are people going to think about me trying this new thing again? I had to really get over that because are there people who think that? Probably. I know my mom did. My mom was like, why don't you just pick something? No, it's not how I'm built. It's not how I'm built. Will I do this for the rest of my life? I will probably do the essence of this for the rest of my life. But will I do specifically this? Maybe. Maybe not. It depends. So when we think about your why we're getting to. What's the core reason you want to do what you want to do? Because there's 101 ways for you to implement the thing that you want to do. And through the journey inside your, yes filled life, the group coaching program, that's where that's where we work, wouldn't you say? Stephanie is like giving yourself permission to try the thing? Oh, thank you, thank you.
Brenda 00:18:23 That's so in the chat, it says, I love your courage and how you don't insist that it look or be a certain way. That was an evolution because I, I was very controlling as part of my PTSD. I needed everything to be really buttoned up. I needed things to be really predictable, and I needed things to be pretty much a sure thing. And then I remember vividly, I was like, it was when Gabby Bernstein was just growing her business back in like 2012, 2013. And I remembered I logged into one of her things. I bought a course. It was the first time I had ever bought a course, and it was one of Gabby's, and she was having us do this breath of fire with her, like our thumbs hooked up into heaven. And we were like, wiggling our arms like this as we were doing The Breath of fire. And I just remember thinking, wow, this is amazing. I've never felt anything like this. And something shifted for me, and I realized it didn't have to look a certain way, because at that time I was still very much, very much playing it safe in a little box.
Brenda 00:19:36 And even though I didn't want to be the good girl, I was playing the role of good girl. Are you craving a space where your voice, your vision, and your energy matter just as much as your accomplishments, if not even more? Your yes Filled life is a 12 week group coaching experience for the intuitive and ambitious leaders who are ready to stop shrinking, stop over functioning, and finally lead from your truth. If you've spent your life holding space for others, family, clients, team members, but feel like no one's holding that space for you, this is the room you've been searching for inside your yes filled life. You'll reclaim your energy, refine your boundaries, and rise into visibility in a way that feels natural, grounded, and aligned. Whether that means that you finally feel like your partner can see you fully, or you're stepping into visibility for your business, or maybe even visibility in terms of speaking publicly inside your yes filled life. We don't just talk about change. We practice it together.
Brenda 00:20:50 So if you've been feeling the nudge, say yes to yourself. The doors are now open for our fall cohort. Go to your yes filled life. You don't have to lead alone anymore. Invitation to share. Anything. Any ahas, any experiences, any questions? Stephanie.
Stephanie 00:21:12 so I was doing the Wordle this morning, and I. It was really, not coming to me. I was like, I haven't had enough coffee or something, but I just wasn't going. And then the dog was needy. And so we went outside. And then while I was walking around with the dog, it was like, click. I figured out the puzzle. And so, I think that was on my mind. But then, during breathwork Today. I was having just these, it wasn't like visuals of puzzle pieces, but that was like the sense of, like, sometimes you have to step away. Like this morning for me, for the puzzle pieces to click together. So I was it was just like this sense of like, it's okay to step back or step and like, just think about which is kind of my, mode of operation a lot of times.
Stephanie 00:22:04 Anyway, I need to observe and then reflect and then I can figure it out. So it was just like a sense of that whole thing. Should I should I tell everybody what else was going on? Yes. So, I was, you know, the into it in my flow, shall we say. And then I could hear car doors closing. And my parents have arrived an hour early this morning, so I was like, oh, dear. So but I was proud of myself because I just texted Paul real quick and I was like, okay, you handle this, but I'm not available for 20 more minutes. So that felt different because I think at a different time. So real world practice right now?
Brenda 00:22:49 Yes. Real world practice right now. And that is the work. It's like we think that this happens. Or at least I used to think this happens in a vacuum. And like, I should be able to sit on a meditation pillow of life, so to speak. And like, everything would just happen.
Brenda 00:23:09 But we're constantly going to be given a curriculum of life. It's the content, like the parents arriving an hour early, the the kid who calls you out of the blue at some random time. It's it's life that is our curriculum. That is our content. And so I love, love, love, love, love that you're like, okay, let's go make sure they're okay. And I'm available in 20 minutes. So good. It's meta. Like. Yeah. Would anyone else like to share anything?
Kendra 00:23:47 That was a big one. Brenda.
00:23:51 Lots of tears.
Kendra 00:23:55 but like I kept coming up for the mantra that kept coming up for me this morning was that my wants and my needs matter. and that it's safe to dream. It's safe to see things that others don't see.
00:24:09 That's right.
Kendra 00:24:10 But then the click in for me I think was also linking that or seeing maybe for the first time that it's the unseen or unmet needs of others that I see that makes it so easy for me to meet the needs of others.
Kendra 00:24:29 And but I think I don't know if this makes any sense, but somewhere in my brain, it feels like where those felt like different things. Is there actually the same thing? I just have to see myself the same way that I see the others.
00:24:43 Yes.
Brenda 00:24:45 Brilliantly stated. Brilliantly stated. And what you're naming this is the life of an empath. You can see, feel and sense needs from people a mile away, oftentimes before they even do. And then the reason it's so easy for us to not acknowledge our own needs is because no one's doing that for us. So we learn at a very young age that we're the ones that can meet the needs of other people. And then there's like a little curiosity around, why isn't it my turn? And then that grows into resentment in adulthood when we're like, why is it never my turn? And it took me a long time to realize, oh, it's because they. They don't see it. They can't see my needs the way I can see their needs.
Brenda 00:25:45 And so I'm going to have to be better about meeting my own needs and or articulating what I need. And so this is this is the life of an empath. Thank you for sharing it. So relatable. I saw people nodding and thank you for sharing so vulnerably. Hi Karen.
Karen 00:26:06 Those sessions are just so valuable. Just to gently and gently. Not chip away, but let erode all the built up crushes in nobody. And I know that, you know, every couple of tears that fall or every joy that switches or nearly quickly. Then I know that's a step forward. To rest, recover, restore and revive. My body is ready to rest, recover, restore, revive and welcome. Quiet breath and quiet mind.
Brenda 00:27:02 So good. So good. Are you sharing your writing anywhere? You write beautifully and easily.
Karen 00:27:20 I don't know about easily.
Brenda 00:27:22 Well, compared to some other people that I know that write for a living. You write very easily.
Karen 00:27:28 I mean, I do, I do feel my books up.
Brenda 00:27:30 Yeah, you do, and it's beautiful, it's eloquent and it just touches people's hearts.
00:27:38 Yeah.
Brenda 00:27:39 I see in the chat. I just wanted to share that when I finally started showing my kids what I needed and deserved, they started seeing it too and encouraging me to pursue what I wanted and needed. And I realized that sometimes we have to show others what we deserve. Absolutely, 100%. 100%. The world will never treat us better than we treat ourselves. And a lot of times we we think that if we're not being treated the way that we wanted, that maybe there's something wrong with us, or maybe there's something wrong with them or both. And sometimes it's as simple as saying, this is what I need. And then making sure that that happens. And it doesn't mean there won't be challenges. It doesn't mean that it's not like I live a challenge free. Conflict free life, then that that's not. That's not what this is. But we have the tools. And that's part of what your yes Field Life Group coaching program is.
Brenda 00:28:47 You don't need to necessarily know more. It's not about more information. It's about implementing the belief that you matter, implementing and practicing in community, setting boundaries and naming. This came up this week and it was really hard. And it this is what happened. And so your yes filled life has shifted from the way that I used to offer things. It was like, let me drown you in content, okay? Because it made me feel a little bit better. Like I was really contributing to you if I just drowned you in content. Like, I want you to get the most value possible. And then I realized, yeah, there are some specific things that you need to know. And if I give you enough time, you'll even ask me about them, right? But I don't need to. Like death by fire. Hose you with content. What you really need is space and community to process. To practice like guided practice. Because the truth is your yes, filled life. Like your actual yes, filled life has boundaries.
Brenda 00:30:02 And that means that we need to have conversations that maybe we've never had before. And so a lot of what we do is practice setting those boundaries, and we practice on each other, and we we do role playing and we do scripts because at the end of the day, if this is our yes filled life, we're having to say no to lots of stuff to make room for the actual yes. And so the yes filled life is not about saying yes to all the things the say. The yes filled life is creating the space to live the yes, which means there's a whole lot of nos that we have to say. And that's where we work. And then yesterday, I, I was telling you that, this is a 12 week program. We're going to start in mid September, September 15th as I think our first week. But if you decide you want to join your yes filled life, you just start now. And so you'll get all the time between now and September just for free. And then there's also tiered pricing.
Brenda 00:31:19 So I was telling you about working through my own and congruences. I was having a really hard time. How do I work with doctors and teachers and service providers? They don't make the same amount of money, but they're doing the same kinds of work. And then finally it hit me. Oh, it's tiered pricing. You're doing the same level of work for different levels of pay. And so the tiered pricing is one of the ways that I collapsed and in congruency that I had, because it makes me feel better about being accessible and also creating systems that feel good for different types of incomes. So if this feels like a fit for you, I'd love to invite you in. And if it doesn't, that's okay. That's totally okay. I want it to be a fit. I'm not going to talk you into anything, because the truth is, I don't want to work with anyone. I had to talk into working with me. So that's why I sort of reject the overcoming objections and that kind of thinking.
Brenda 00:32:29 Because I want there to be like a yes, I want to do this kind of feeling. So if you have that, it might feel like, I'm really curious about this. It might feel like, oh, I'm interested in this, or I kind of want to do this. That might be a yes. If you're like, I don't know, then that might not be a yes. And that's okay too. But the thing I will say is if there's any part of yes that you're feeling in your body, whether it's curiosity or interest, I'm going to invite you to for one day pretend like you said yes and work through the whole day and pretend like you said yes and see what it feels like. And if it feels good, then you'll know. And if it doesn't feel good, then you'll know. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Your yes filled life featuring day three of the Yes to Me journey. Now, if you would like to enjoy the breathwork meditations and some of the other laser coaching that happened.
Brenda 00:33:42 Invitation to go download the Yes to Me audio experience by clicking the link in the show notes. And remember that there is a spot for you inside your yes filled life Group coaching program if that's calling to you. I know that you're someone who likes to make decisions. And so to sweeten the pot, I'm going to invite you into your guest filled life right now. You don't have to wait until September. When you join before July 30th, you're going to get access to our special series Inside your yes filled life Group coaching program on time management for empaths. Go to Brenda winkel.com for your filled life to learn more. And be sure to reach out with any questions. Now, if you could please do me a favor. Could you please? If you enjoyed this episode, share it with someone you care about and leave the the podcast, your five star rating or review wherever you're listening. It takes you about 30s and it has such a profound impact on the podcast. And you know, everything that we pour into this podcast comes from our hearts.
Brenda 00:34:52 It comes from volunteering. Our speakers volunteer their time. I volunteer my time to create this podcast and it's not free. So if you could please leave your rating review and share the podcast. It means so much and honestly, it helps me feel better about producing the podcast, maintaining the expense of production and housing the podcast on a website. It takes you 30s and it makes such a difference. Thank you so much for listening. Bye for now. Until next time.
