Brenda 00:00:00 Welcome to your yes filled life. I'm Brenda Winkle, an intuitive leadership coach and somatic guide for high performers, high achievers who want more freedom, ease, joy and energy. You are a visionary, leader driven, intuitive and ready for more more flow in your work, more presence and joy in your life and relationships. More trust in yourself and the decisions you make every day. Here we explore the intersection of intuition, leadership, and energetic sovereignty, blending practical strategy with energetic alignment so you can create success that feels deeply fulfilling at work, at home, in your relationships, and in your own well-being. You'll hear inspiring stories, practical strategies, and high level conversations designed to help you integrate the woo into your daily life. Because when your energy is aligned, everything flows ready to elevate how you lead and live. Start by downloading my free energy audit at Brendawinkle.com/audit and discover what's fueling or depleting you. Let's do this. Your yes filled life starts now. Hello and welcome to your yes filled life.
Brenda 00:01:19 I'm your host, Brenda Winkle. Today on the podcast, we have Danielle Gabel, who is the visionary founder of Super Fine Life. She is a journey dance facilitator, a certified mindset coach, and a moon Pledger. Now, if you have followed me on social media, if you've watched my Instagram stories, I'm always talking about the full moon and the new moon. So you know how excited I was to talk to Danielle. So in this episode, we talk about how to learn to flow with the cycles of the moon. We talk about how to permission yourself to say yes to the things that really light you up, how to change the patterns that you might not even realize that you're stuck in by combining movement, sound and breath. And then we just talk about what it's like to live these beautiful lives. So I cannot wait for you to hear from Danielle. Now, one of the things that comes up for people when they start to think about saying yes to themselves, to saying yes, to the curiosity, to the actual no, to something else.
Brenda 00:02:37 The first thing that comes up for people is, how can I do this? Won't I be selfish? Well, here's my take on that. What if saying no doesn't make you selfish? It makes you more powerful? I'm talking to a very specific set of people here. If I was talking to people who were like, for example, currently in charge of the US government. I would not be talking about saying yes to yourself, does it make you selfish? But for you? Because I know that you have deep compassion, deep empathy, and you feel everything. I know that you couldn't be selfish if you tried. And so I just want to say that before we even start into this next part of the conversation, because I want you to know that I do realize I'm talking to a very specific person. That person is you. So last week at dinner, I went to a place with some of the girlfriends from my Portland girlfriends group, and one of my friends asked, can I ask you a personal question? And when she asked this, I thought she was going to ask a question about my personal life, but it turned out she was asking a question about her personal life.
Brenda 00:03:49 And the question was, how can I stop volunteering for a group I hate. And this group was something that when she had taken on the position of president inside this group, it was new to her. She didn't totally know the people. She had some little yellow flags about what the group was about, but she kept telling herself that it would all work out as she has lived into her tenure in this leadership role, a volunteer role in this group, she's realized that it's really negative. They talk about each other, they back bite each other. Like if there is one person that's not at the meeting, they're talking bad things about that person, and she just doesn't want to be a part of it anymore because it feels so bad when she is and it feels so taxing. And every time she starts to step away, or to even imagine what it would be like to send a text or an email or even say to somebody that she doesn't want to do this anymore. That it's not aligned. Guilt pulls her back in and she said, I don't want to disappoint people, but I also don't want to keep giving away my energy to something that doesn't feel right.
Brenda 00:05:06 And so as friends, we talked about it. But here's the thing I want to tell you. Guilt isn't a sign you're doing the wrong thing. It's a sign that you're breaking a pattern of people pleasing. And when you start honoring what a no a holy no really feels like in your body, you're actually saying yes to your work, to your people, to the things that light you up, to the impact that matters most. So yes, saying no can initially be uncomfortable, especially if you haven't been doing that. But saying no is where your freedom is. That's where leadership begins. Not in doing more. Not in saying yes to everything, but in choosing what you'll do and saying no to anything that isn't actually a part of your yes filled life. Now, inside your yes filled Life Group coaching program. We practice this every single week. We practice saying no without guilt. We practice holding boundaries that feel really good. And here's the thing. So many times we think boundaries are about other people.
Brenda 00:06:20 What I have found is boundaries are about each of us. So when I'm setting a boundary, it's really a boundary for me. What will I allow or not allow in my space, in my time, in my presence? And when I view it that way, it really gives me power to make choices without feeling like I'm trying to control someone else. And that feels like freedom. The other thing that we start to do inside your yes filled life is we learn what it feels like to lead from an energy that's clear, clean, calm and magnetic. It's not about doing more, pushing harder, or even saying yes to things like all the things. In fact, someone once asked me, is your yes to life all about saying yes? And the answer is no. Your yes to life is about saying yes to the right things, and only you know what's right for you. And that's what we guide you to inside your guest filled life. We'll activate your intuition so that you have connection with your inner knowing.
Brenda 00:07:30 We'll activate what it feels like in your body to feel a know and what it feels like in your body to feel a yes. And we'll have actual practice sessions in voice and boundary labs, where you can play with other members in the group. In a way that doesn't feel as high stakes as it might be feeling to practice in your work relationships or your personal relationships. And if you're not sure where to start, please go download my free Energy Audit, which will show you exactly what's fueling you, what's activating your joy, and what's draining you so that you can see where your next yes or your next no really belongs. You can grab that at the link in the show notes, and you can learn about your yes filled life in the show notes as well. Your zest for life is now enrolling and we start September 14th, whatever that Monday is. I can't wait to see you there. Now, without further ado, let's dive in. I cannot wait for you to hear from Danielle and super fine life.
Brenda 00:08:40 Hi, Danielle.
Danielle 00:08:42 Hi there. How are you? I'm so happy to be with you.
Brenda 00:08:45 Oh, my gosh, I'm so excited you're here. Thank you for being here.
Danielle 00:08:49 Yes, thank you for having me.
Brenda 00:08:51 So we'll just jump right in. What is one thing that you either did or did not do that has led you to your yes filled life?
Danielle 00:09:00 Oh, you're getting right into it. I love this question because I was thinking about it, actually, before you and I chatted about my like, how have I had said yes to myself? Right? And then it came down to basically just that. It's as simple as that. I said yes to me and I said yes to me in relationship to my healing. And that was the minute I think everything just changed for me.
Brenda 00:09:30 I love everything about that. And there's something so simple and yet depth filled in that answer. And I think that there is that moment in healing journeys when you do choose yourself. I found that to be true for myself as well.
Danielle 00:09:47 Yeah. And I don't think that, you know, it's like, what came first, the chicken or the egg? But I couldn't have gone on my healing journey without saying yes to myself first, but it was completely in unison with, like, I need to do something to change my life, and I need to heal these things because now it's, like, blatantly obvious to me and in my face. So I've got a choice here, right? Everything is a choice. So faced with a choice, I was like, you know what? No. You need to choose yourself, Daniel. I'll also talk to myself and the like, you know, third person. but me too. Choosing self. Yes. That's that's my yes. My biggest yes in life.
Brenda 00:10:27 That's a big yes. And it sounds simple, but it's not always easy.
Danielle 00:10:33 No, that was not an easy decision. It does sound really simple. Like, of course you can say yes to yourself. I don't think that's true.
Danielle 00:10:40 I think that, you know, when we experience, Ends, you know. My story is childhood trauma, But also life adversities and life traumas. And I think that when our lens is clouded and shaped, very much shaped by those things in life, it's not easy to say yes to yourself. The, your, default mechanism is not actually to say yes to yourself. It's to bypass yourself and your own needs for everybody else. And especially when you get into people pleasing and you know, all the things I know. I don't have to tell you that, Brenda, but, so, no, it was not an easy thing to say yes to, but it is definitely the best thing I've ever said yes to for sure.
Brenda 00:11:25 Yes, Amen. And, you know, I think the thing that is I continue to peel back more layers for myself is all of the ways we're taught that saying yes to yourself is dangerous when you're a child, right? Because there's going to be consequences if you, especially in the case of a chaotic home or an abusive home, or whether it's in the home or not, there's a consequence for choosing yourself.
Brenda 00:11:53 And so we very, at a very early age, learn to not choose that consequence. I mean, if there's one thing we can avoid, then we'll do it right.
Danielle 00:12:04 So true. And you know, when you are talking about like, growing up as a child, right? And being rewarded for, oh, they help with the other kids. That's so good. Right. It's like we're taught also from a very early age, even even if there isn't trauma per se in the house, but like bypass your own needs because you have to like help and be of assistance to me and everybody around you. And then you come. Laughs. And our mothers and our grandmothers modeled that like putting themselves last. So, yeah, I think, it's one of the biggest gifts that we can actually give ourselves in?
Brenda 00:12:42 Absolutely. You know, I have a client who talks about. She was taught to be the good girl. And so a lot of times when she comes up against different things, she's coming up against this narrative that you're not being a good girl.
Brenda 00:12:56 If if you aren't, you know, self abandoning or working to exhaustion or people pleasing. And I always like to say, you know, there's only two reasons that people don't like boundaries that you set. One is they can't set. They can't see themselves setting the boundary that you just set. That's one. The other one is they're directly benefiting from you not having that boundary.
Danielle 00:13:18 It's so true. And personally, I mean, it's something I still struggle with boundaries, but having like completely lack of boundaries and then and then being able to reflect back on that and being like, I can't believe that's what it was. And it's as simple, simple to fix it if I can get myself there. Right. But it took a lot of work to get myself there and a lot of going back to, like, I have to choose me. I have to choose my healing. I can't override this, I can't bypasses I don't mean to hurt anybody in this process, but I have to choose me first.
Danielle 00:13:53 Right. So yeah, not easy, but it really does sound so simple.
Brenda 00:13:57 It sounds so simple. And you know, you make a good point, which is that I talk about boundaries as though they're effortless and they are not effortless. They are cultivated because I had to get good at them. I had to get good at them because I was boundary less. And so it sounds like it's easy coming out of my mouth, but it's because I work at it all the time.
Danielle 00:14:24 That is such a good point, I think, to bring up, because this is not like a one and done. It's not a destination. I also used to think that, like, I'll just do this work and I'll just heal these things and I'll be like, cool. And it's like, no, that is not how this process works for me. I think we're constantly healing these imprints and these wounds, and they all have different shapes and different depths to them. And maybe, you know, some of them fully close and heal and others keep coming up because we're meant to see and learn more about who we are and more of what we need to heal.
Danielle 00:15:00 so, you know, it's like it's an opportunity, but it's definitely like it's the the effect of all of it. Right? All of the time and effort that you work on getting curious about how you are, the ways in which you do the things you do. And so that's one of my favorite things to, you know, to talk to people about is getting curious and not judging yourself so much for everything. Because like, we could sit here and judge ourselves all day, but if we're curious about it, that conversation is really different when you, you know, you're talking to yourself and you're like, wow, Oh, isn't that interesting that I do that? So, you know, I think, it's layering. It's layering it all together and being consistent. And that is definitely what has changed. Everything for me is the consistency of it. I am not doing these things once and being like, yeah, I'm great, thank you. It's coming back to it again and again and again with compassion because that's the other, you know, curiosity and compassion I think is huge.
Brenda 00:16:04 I love that. I love that. Before we go too much further, I'd love if you could share a little bit about the work that you do in the world, because it's so cool. And then we can jump back in.
Danielle 00:16:15 Sure. So, I wear many hats, but the one of my most favorite hats that I wear is this hat of, founder of Superfine Life. And I'm a journey dance facilitator, a certified mindset coach. I'm certified in immunology, Kundalini dance, trauma informed yoga nidra. So I have a lot of certifications. Why? Because I believe that healing is not one size fits all. And it takes a lot of things to make up the thing that works for you. At least that's what I have found, right? It's like therapy with the side of give me some somatic tools and holistic holistic healing. And then I've got, you know, like a complete, meal, so to speak. Right. Because we're constantly taking tools out of the toolbox. So I am on a mission to empower women to heal from their childhood traumas and life adversities by empowering them with these holistic tools for transformation.
Danielle 00:17:16 And, you know, modeling like it is possible. Like it's totally possible to heal yourself because, you know, in my head, we are all our own individual medicine. We just need to, like, turn it on and activate it. and so dancing movement, somatic movement has been a huge part of my toolbox. And what I bring myself to again and again and again to process, whether it's like current stuff that's going on or stuff that, you know, is coming up from 40 plus years ago that I just am discovering now. So that's really what I feel called to do in this world. And I feel like it's an honor and a blessing. It's all at the same time.
Brenda 00:18:04 What an amazing toolkit. And I believe this too, that, you know, adding different kinds of tools and methods and modalities has been part of my own healing journey, honestly. But it's also so rewarding to be able to be like, I think this tool is going to work best for this client.
Brenda 00:18:26 so I love that you come in with all of these variety of, of tools. And so the analogy I was like, ooh, I love that. I, I'm all I'm a moon person. Like, I, I've always really resonated with moon energy and still do. And talk to us about how we can work with that energy.
Danielle 00:18:52 Oh, I'm so happy you brought this up because I love working with the moon, so I'm working with the moon. My wife and I were using it as a way to honestly to manifest. We were like, yes, we're going to get on this moon bandwagon and we're going to start manifesting. But then obviously when you start doing something, you learn a lot more about it and you just keep going deeper and deeper. So that's what I did. And I became, really fascinated with the process of manifesting with the new moon and releasing and letting go with the full moon and then making it a practice. Because, Brenda, guess what? When you start paying attention, a new moon and a full moon happen every two weeks and every two weeks.
Danielle 00:19:35 It's like, you know, like I knew that, but you don't really tune into it until you tune into it. So, I have had a lot of serious things going on in my life in the past couple of years, and found that releasing with the full moon has been, I say, life changing and I say life changing about so many of the things that I do because they were life changing for me, like, wholeheartedly. But when you come every two weeks to this idea that, okay, I'm going to intentionally do release work, what does that mean? Like, what am I letting go? What am I forgiving? What am I moving on from?
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Danielle 00:20:56 And again, this could be like something that happened, like, two minutes before you're starting your process up to, like, your lifetime. Right. And so doing that with intent. And, you know, sometimes it's a laundry list and you're just writing things down. And other times, you know, you're really diving deep into the like, why? Why am I forgiving myself for this? Why am I forgiving somebody else for what I'm forgiving them for? Right. And so you're doing this written release work, and then your alchemy is in it, burning it if you can, or, you know, dissolving it. Composting it into the land. So I'm doing the moon ology work, and I'm doing journey dance, and I'm like, These two things are super powerful to buy themselves. So what happens if I bring them together? What would that feel like? Next level.
Danielle 00:21:46 Like completely next level. So, you know. So for an example, I have a full moon dance coming up. So what we'll do is we start with the ceremony, which is all written. release work, and then we dance it all out. So you're kind of taking what you did with your written work into an embodied place, right? And feeling through it, moving through it. And then after you're done, you go and you burn it or, you know, somehow get rid of your list doing that. And then two weeks later, we're like, what are we calling in? What are we getting ready for? Right. And then over and over again. So you really can bring a lot into focus of your life and get really intentional about things that you know we need to be intentional about in order to heal. Does that.
Brenda 00:22:34 Make sense? Yes, I love this. So I have those practices myself. every two, every full moon, I charge all my crystals in the windowsill over the three days leading up to the moon.
Brenda 00:22:45 Usually I like to do it on the coming in energy more than the coming out energy. But I don't know that there's a big difference. It's just what I like. and then I always have some kind of a release. So I like to think about what am I releasing in the intangible like? Is it thinking patterns? Is it behaviors? Is it things I'm saying to myself? Is it identities? And then I like to also release something physical. So are there things I can release from my closet. And then yesterday, like because we're recording just days before the full moon, fuel and energy is ripe among us. And, yesterday I was cleaning my office and I just happened to look at my coaster, and I was thinking to myself, oh, I remember what it felt like when I bought that coaster. And it was not a good feeling. It was like a hopeful feeling. But it was in so much pain and so much lack. And I was thinking to myself, why is this coaster by me? Every single day I'm at work.
Brenda 00:23:43 And so I removed it. And so it is. It is gone now, but it's so powerful when we can just move with the energy around us. And then I love what you said about combining the somatic practice of dance. Can you talk to us about journey dance?
Danielle 00:24:02 Yes. So again, life changing. when I signed myself up for it, I had never done it before. I just knew I did the mindset work and I was like, yes, yes, yes, all of this. But something in my body needs to shift. And I was like, oh, it's got to be movement related. So I find journey Dance. This brilliant woman, Tony Perkins, creates it like 20 plus years ago. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to do this and I start doing the training. Brenda. And I was like, forget it, this isn't for me, you know, two years. why? Because it works. Because it really does move the stuck energy and things that you never have had a chance to process fully.
Danielle 00:24:46 You know, I don't know, you know, and we go through traumas, big or small and traumas on a spectrum, you know, like that's how I see trauma, right? Like it's very wide and vast. Little t big t trauma. But when we don't mobilize that stuck energy, that tension, that trauma in the body, that happens, it just lives there. And it shows up as aches and pains and different things in our bodies until we can like, you know, move it through. So what I love about Journey Dance, for me, it's like it's like therapy on the dance floor. So instead of sitting there and I'm not knocking therapy. Therapy completely has a place for people. But I also hear a lot of people say, that's not for me. And it's like, it probably is for you, but you also need something else which can move your body in a way that you're not going to experience. In talking about what has happened to you and your problems and your troubles.
Danielle 00:25:42 And so with Journey Dance, we're getting out of our heads and into our bodies. And so I'm kind of just gently guiding, offering you no movement suggestions. And I'll say things, but everything is an invitation. So imagine you at home in your own space, getting your dance on because we're on zoom with the freedom to shut your camera. If dancing on you know screen is not your thing. I'm on, you know, blown up on your screen and we're going on a journey together. And that journey is changing. Every time there's a class, the playlist is changing. So maybe it's a full moon journey and we're going to go on a journey of release and letting go. Maybe it's a joy journey. Like we're making a choice to activate our joy and to call it in and, like, fully feel it in our bodies, which you'd think, oh, joy is easy to feel in your body. Not necessarily. Not for a lot of people. Right. Right. So it's like going finding different ways into the body and then letting it move.
Danielle 00:26:46 All of what's going on in your life, past, present doesn't matter. And letting it move from an embodied place. So you're not thinking about it. You're moving through it. I've had moments, Brenda, where, like, I've shown up to the dance floor, super, super distraught. Upset. like, I don't know if I can do this dance. And by the end was like, that was amazing. I feel so great. Everything just shifted. I've got my perspective. I'm good to go because we're not bypassing anything. We're allowing ourselves to feel it. but not in the thinking mind, which, you know, we can get trapped in very easily, very easily.
Brenda 00:27:25 And, you know, to your point, we store things in the body. We so, you know, it's difficult to say, I'm going to store something in my left bicep I wouldn't like. It's not that kind of storage. But if we're pushing down our emotionality, we're not allowing ourselves to flow through it.
Brenda 00:27:42 It does get stuck in the body. And I have found movement to be well. There's three ways I teach people to to move energy through the breath, through sound and through movement. And so with the journey dance, that's that's the movement and potentially the sound as well, and potentially the breath as well.
Danielle 00:28:01 I was just going to say to you, sound and breath to because sounding right with, we're doing something to move something like anger, you know, it's like anger is not bad. None of our emotions are bad or good. They just are right. Then we label them. We get attached to different stories with them, but think about instead of like raging at somebody that, you know, you could flip your lid, you purposefully and take the choice to say, you know what? I'm going to do this through movement. And now you're like punching into the air and you're sounding out and you're moving that anger through your body. Guess what? A couple of minutes of that, you're going to feel different.
Danielle 00:28:37 You will have discharged what needed to be released. So, you know, think about shaking, right? Dogs shake. They shake off their, you know, the energy. Something happens to them. They shake it off. They know. They instinctually know to shake it off. So we should be doing the same thing. And so we're shaking. We're sounding. We're using our breath. We're using our movement energetic intent. So it really is just this beautiful, you know, like our practice that you give to yourself hopefully on a, on a consistent basis because that's where the real magic happens. and again, just to release what is not serving, and all of us honestly have something to release pretty much on a daily basis.
Brenda 00:29:22 Pretty much. Yeah, absolutely. So, when I was recovering from PTSD, I came across a researcher named Peter Levine, and he is one of my mentors, although he doesn't know it. and he was talking about this phenomenon in the wild where when there's a traumatic event, let's just say the gazelle is being chased by a lion.
Brenda 00:29:49 The gazelle, once in safety, will shake and tremble until whatever emotionality that brought up is passed through her system. And he was talking about how that doesn't happen in humans because we stop it. It's not that we're not capable of doing it, we are, but we stop it. And so I love the reminder that we can let these things go and that we can let them flow and that there's no expiration date. Like, you can heal something that happened 50 years ago just as easily as you can hear some heal. Something that happened five minutes ago.
Danielle 00:30:25 It's so true. And, you know, I think people, I've had a lot of people say to me, I'm just going to, you know, I'm just going to change the way I think about it. Danielle. And I'm like, good luck with that. I tried. It doesn't work. You can't. We're not talking about things that you can think your way out of and through. It doesn't work like that. so I think, you know, it goes back to how do you just start by getting curious.
Danielle 00:30:52 How do you give yourself compassion, how you just start looking at, you know, your life through a different lens and how you view the world and the patterns that you have. It's just, again, if we get curious, we can start to find the things that we need to work on, and then you get intentional and you're consistent about it. And that's how you start changing the things that you want to change, and you start healing those wounds. And I'm so happy you said that because it's never too late. You're never too old. It really doesn't matter. And you don't have to live a life like of suffering, because in a way, that to me is what it is like. You know, we didn't if you endured something right, like it was done to you. And it's like that suffering to start with. And then if you keep living with it, then that's more suffering. So it's like, how do you choose? Yes. How do you say yes to yourself? You just start saying yes to yourself over and over and over again until it becomes your way.
Danielle 00:31:49 You operate, right? It becomes your default operating system. Yes. I'm going to say yes to me and I say yes to me. I'm gonna say yes to me.
Brenda 00:31:57 Yes. And you, you do build that muscle, and it is a muscle that can be built. And I love what you said about consistency. I think that that's one piece that's really easy to miss. And it's so subtle but so important that without this consistent release, it's it's not that you slide backwards, but it just makes it a little bit more difficult to access the same place you were last time. So like if you have, you know, 1 or 2 weeks in a row where you're really moving a lot of energy, you're feeling great, and then you take six weeks off, you're going to have to kind of reset that. And so it can be frustrating for people. And so just for if you're listening to this and you're thinking, oh, I do that. Well, you know, once a month, once a month or once every six weeks or whenever I feel like it, you're not getting the full benefits because it's the consistency that really, really creates that momentum and that change.
Danielle 00:32:55 It's totally consistency. It's maintenance. It's maintenance for your mind, body, soul. And again, it comes down to choice and choosing yourself right to have that consistency is 1,000% a choice that is rooted in self and saying yes to yourself. So yes, I urge everybody the consistency is the is the thing. You know, I had a couple of times where I was like, nothing's going to move for me in Journey Dance because you know what? I've danced through it all. I'm good. Nothing's going to happen. Yeah, okay. Something inevitably will, you know, come up. So I stopped, you know, I just stopped thinking of it like that. I was like, you need to just stop thinking you're on a path that's going to take you to a final destination and just accept that you're on this lifelong journey of getting curious about yourself and all the ways in which you do and see and perceive everything and are so that I can, you know, start like doing some course correction and living more of my best life because that's who am I doing it for? I'm doing it for myself first.
Danielle 00:34:01 I'm doing it for my wife and my children. Yes, and my family, sure. But at the root of that has to be me. I have to choose myself first in order to fully be motivated to be consistent and do this work.
Brenda 00:34:15 Absolutely. And it really is a choice. And you're faced with 101 different directions that you could go on any given day. And it's so easy to think, oh, just this once, I'll let someone tell me that this is more important than my own, my own care of self. And I'm intentionally not calling it self-care because I think it's really easy to think self-care is manicures and massages. But care of self is like I'm nourished, I'm rested, I'm hydrated, I'm processed. And you know, when I was in my somatic coach training, I partnered with a woman to because we had some internal hours to complete as well as external hours to complete in our training. And so we just started putting something on the calendar, and we met every week, quote unquote, whether we needed it or not.
Brenda 00:35:08 And we're still doing it two years later. We still meet once a week and we swap sessions. And every single time there's something that comes out and it's always unexpected and it never goes a direction I think it's going to go. Which is just to say your point about it's a journey, not a destination, is a really nice way to live, because then I never feel like there's something wrong with me. I don't feel broken. I don't need to be fixed. I'm just taking care of myself.
Danielle 00:35:40 It's so true. And I really spent a lot of years thinking like, oh no, this is an achievable destination. I just have to get there and you know what they need to do the whole like, you know, two steps forward, three steps back, and this is too hard and you want to give up. And it's like, no journey means like forever evolving, right? And again, acceptance. But it is it does come down to choice. And it you know, I think it's about asking yourself like, why choose yourself and really giving yourself those reasons as to why.
Danielle 00:36:19 And there's going to be other people are involved in that. Why? Right. It's like the ripple effect that happens. So yes, make them part of your why. And then, you know, what do you want? How do you want to live the rest of your days. And again that is a choice. Like we could be miserable and we can suffer, or we can choose self and day by day, one step at a time. It's not going to happen overnight. There is no magic wand, as I like to say. But you know, here I am all, you know, these years later of really full fledged going on this healing journey. And I have zero regrets. Zero there's that one regret that I could sit here and say, oh, well, I wish I wouldn't know. Like my life is so much better. Like so much better. I'm so much happier and more in balance as a human being. And that like to me is a gift to like not only myself but humanity at large.
Danielle 00:37:15 So.
Brenda 00:37:16 Absolutely, absolutely. And so, you know, what you're pointing to is that in choosing yourself, you're actually able to be more generous to the other people in your life because you have the needs fulfilled. But for somebody at the beginning of this journey who's feeling like, I can't tell my husband that I'm not feeling fulfilled, or I can't tell my wife that I'm not feeling fulfilled and I need more FaceTime without the phone. and and that feels so scary. What did you do to bridge? Or how do you think about bridging the. I'm choosing me and now I need to do this action or have this conversation. How do you bridge that?
Danielle 00:38:00 Very carefully with lots of curiosity and compassion because I think that's what it really takes. And it's not necessarily, you know, when we're asking that we need things from other people, right. Like that's going to go one of two ways, maybe somewhere in the middle. and that could be hard. Change is hard for a lot of people, especially if they're not on some journey with you.
Danielle 00:38:21 Right. Or walking alongside you in that journey. So I feel like, you know, it's getting clear about what it is that you really need, and not what you think you want or need. But like asking yourself the question, like, what do I really need? And then keep asking the question, like, continuously. Right. Like over and over again. So you can really come to the root of what it is that you need. And then being brave enough to have those conversations. even though it's going to be scary, even though you might feel like the world is going to end and not, you know. We live so very much in the past or the future, Brenda. Like, we hardly live in the present moment, right? So we spend a lot of time like, oh, if I have that conversation, they might say, this might happen. And, you know, we're already like putting the kibosh on things for our own selves right before we even have a chance to like, but see what happens because you don't know.
Danielle 00:39:24 And I'm, I honestly, I'm one of those people who'll be like, well, I can't because of this, this, this and this reason, and I know how they're going to react. And it's like, you know what I am? I am surprised every single time that I am brave enough to just do what I know I need to do because I'm like, wow, that's not how they reacted. So, you know, it's again, curiosity, compassion, having some courage, some bravery and remembering that you can always have the conversation. Again.
Brenda 00:39:58 You've built the success. You've proven yourself, but you're still holding back, second guessing, people pleasing, shrinking in rooms that weren't built for you. It's time to stop. Your yes filled life is a 12 week, trauma informed group experience where high achieving, intuitive leaders learn to set boundaries that stick, activate their voice, and lead with energy and intuition that feels like freedom. Enrollment is open now. Join us at Brenda Winkel for your yes filled life.
Brenda 00:40:32 Say yes to your power. That's Brenda Winkel for your yes filled life.
Danielle 00:40:40 If it doesn't go well.
Brenda 00:40:42 Yeah. Oh, I love that. You can always have the conversation again.
Danielle 00:40:46 Because it's really, you know, you get clear to that root, you have your conversation. It may not land. Well. The person that you're telling might just need to sit with it. If you're telling your partner, hey, like, I need some time for me to take care of me to heal these things. And that reaction doesn't go well. It's about bridging it again and you know. Brendan, nothing you or I are going to say is going to cover the gamut of what somebody might go through. Right? But, you know, if we just apply the basic concepts of like, okay, I need to call on my courage, I need to call on my self-compassion, compassion for the other person that I have. I'm having this conversation with and just get really curious, what is it that I really need and go underneath it? I think you've got a better shot of it going well.
Brenda 00:41:33 Agreed? Agreed. One of the things that I teach my clients is something called the five levels of why. So they say I need this or I want this. And then I'm like, okay, so I'm going to ask you five levels of why. It's going to feel like I'm an annoying seven year old when I keep saying why. Why? So I'm just telling you in advance this is the process that we're going to go through until we get to that root. And oftentimes, and this has happened for me too. It's so resonant when you get to that base level that it just comes out of your mouth. You don't even have to think about it because it's so embodied. When you're really, really clear on the why so true.
Danielle 00:42:13 Got to get clear on the why. Always. And again, it's never the surface. Why like I. Nine times out of ten it's really never the person's first response. including our own. So it's.
00:42:24 Yes, I was thinking about.
Brenda 00:42:25 An exchange recently with my sister, and she asked me a question, and I gave her what I, I actually perceived to be the reason.
Brenda 00:42:33 And then I was like, no, actually, that's not the reason. It's this. It's this. And so, you know, I think maybe that's just part of the human experience is that we we need to allow ourselves a way to dig deeper. We're not done yet, but I want to make sure people know how they can contact you, how they can connect with you, how they can work with you.
Danielle 00:42:51 Yes. Beautiful. Thank you for asking. So super Fine Life is my website. You'll find all of my classes and everything I have going on there. I am in process of creating a non-profit, Brenda, which will be called Super Fine Synergy and I'm so happy! because I believe this work needs to be accessible to more women and as a and also affordable because healing, as we both know, is not necessarily, geographically accessible or financially accessible to a lot of women who really need these tools. So I'm super excited and we'll be announcing that soon. But all of your beautiful, fabulous humans that listen and watch, I have a journey dance class every Thursday, so you're welcome to join me for a free class.
Danielle 00:43:46 And because Brenda is a fellow moon lover, I'm also going to give her the link to share with you to come to a new or full moon. Ceremony and journey. Dance class of your choice. So I'll make sure you have those links, Brenda, and you can share them with your people.
00:44:02 That's amazing.
Danielle 00:44:02 I love to invite you all.
00:44:04 Yeah.
Brenda 00:44:04 Thank you Danielle. That's amazing I love it. So when I think about transformation, for me it's like something I'm thinking about all the time. I love it, I'm fascinated by it. I geek out on it like it's so fun for me to think about. I was here and now I'm here and I watch this person there, and now they're there. And I think actually, that's not as normal as as I would think. and I so I remember feeling like when I was teaching, I was always a little like, I'm wondering why you're not thinking about how this could be easier for you, or I'm wondering why you're letting yourself get so upset about these things.
Brenda 00:44:47 Like, it was really confusing to me why people would continue to do things that upset them. You know, these patterns. And so they're they're locked in their own pattern. And I'm curious for the person who is like, oh, that's me. I get locked in my own pattern, I get mad, I get frustrated, and then I dig in my heels and they're feeling like I want to do these things. I want to sign up for a dance class. I want to sign up for a breathwork session. And they're just. But they're in that that cycle of stubbornness where they can't quite let go of the feeling that they have, even though they don't like it one bit. How would you encourage them to start to relax their grip on what is, so that they can embrace what could be?
Danielle 00:45:41 Yeah, that's another good one. You know, I think, it really sometimes it takes getting sick and tired of your own behavior to make a change. And many people, it's like if you were there, right? If you're at that sick and tired point, but you're still grasping on.
Danielle 00:46:01 You have to ask yourself why. And you have to do what Brenda said. Five whys like why are you still? Like gripping on so tightly? Because there's an answer there. There's information there that you can absolutely work with. And it might surprise you actually to what the why is because the why is probably not. Well, I can't make Thursday at 7:00 Danielle on Zoom or I can't afford to go to therapy. Right. Because we will we will. We'll do the excuse after excuse after excuse. So you really have to ask yourself why. And you know, for me, honestly, Brenda, I had a moment where I was like, oh, I don't want to deal with any of this. Just flat out like, I don't have to look at it. I don't have to deal with it. I don't want to have to do this work.
00:46:50 Right.
Danielle 00:46:51 And that and that was the place that I could then move from, because I got really honest about the why I stopped making the superficial excuses because we can make them all day as humans.
Danielle 00:47:04 Like, let's face it. And I really just decided, like, okay, like you're not doing this because you don't want to. And what do you want then? And I was like, well, I want to be happy. I want a life of abundance, you know, good health, abundance of wealth, abundance of happiness, and left laughter around me. I don't want to have to, like, suffer because it was suffering from this shit that happened to me. Like how many a lifetime ago when I was a child. And then, you know, different things along the way. So getting real with myself and just acknowledging that, oh, then I could say, all right, well, I don't want to, but I want this instead. And in order to get what I want, I'm going to have to make a change. And then I just started one step at a time. One step at a time. And being consistent with that, one step at a time and layering thing on top of thing, and finding all the different ways in which I was finding were working for me.
Danielle 00:48:04 And I would try something, and if it didn't resonate, or I was like, yeah, this isn't my thing, I've just left it and I moved on to the next thing. And I think that's also part of it. Like, you are literally putting yourself in, I'm going on a journey, I'm an adventurer, and this is going to be really interesting. And I don't know where it's going to take me. And you're going to have tears and there will be anger and there will be grief along this path. But you're also going to find joy. You're going to find balance. Like, you know, when everything's flow, Brenda, like, life is just so good. And it's like, I want to live more in that state, and I don't want to bypass my feelings and emotions. I don't want to bury them under the rug and be like, oh no, they don't exist and they don't affect me and impact my life. They do. So, you know, when we just allow ourselves to just be like, you know what? Again, I'm choosing me and I'm going to stop being so stubborn about it, and I'm going to just give myself grace and compassion, and I'm going to try something and try something again.
Brenda 00:49:08 I love that, I love that. So during Covid, I was teaching and I.
00:49:15 Got.
Brenda 00:49:16 Stuck in a loop, and I didn't realize it until I was in the loop. And it was a loop of complaining. I was so angry, like viscerally angry, that my health didn't matter to the place that I was working. And so in the time when everyone was six feet apart, I was in, a 12 by 14 room with 32 students, and I was just enraged and I forgot that I have toys. I forgot that I could choose how I wanted to feel. I forgot that I had some autonomy and I really got in it. And when you were talking about making the choice to consistently just get out of it day by day with one thing, that was how I found myself out of that loop was just one day at a time, just reminding. Okay, no, I'm not going to complain today. No matter what happens, I will not say anything negative and that literally transform my life.
Brenda 00:50:17 Just that one choice. I will not engage in negative talk.
Danielle 00:50:22 It was a choice and you made it. And it probably wasn't easy, even though it seems so simple.
00:50:29 Right?
Danielle 00:50:29 You did it and you kept doing it for you because you kept choosing you. You know, it's funny that you should say this, because this morning I was having a moment. Right now my life is at an in between. That's what I'm calling it. It's in between my old life and this new life that I want to fully step into. And I'm stuck in the messy middle and that is weighing on me. And so this morning I was like, why are you choosing to let this weigh on you? I thought we worked through this, but apparently we haven't. And you need to get clearer on the why is this like, really like not shifting for you. And so I found clarity. But keep asking the why the why, the why, the why. Because I thought I knew the why. But sometimes we've got to keep going after that.
Danielle 00:51:15 Why? and again, it was like choice in the moment. And, you know, we don't also have to wait till the next day. I know it's so much nicer to, like, go to bed and sleep it off and then like, fresh day. But also in the moment I was like, oh no, you need to. It's like 11:00 in the morning. You need to choose right now. We're going to change this story and we dance this out. Actually, in Journey Dance, let's call it Tell Your Story to the dance floor in which you'll move. like what's going on with you. And instead of thinking about what's going on with you, you're going to dance. What's going on with you, which can be really, really powerful. so I'm actually dancing tonight and can't wait to to go do that. yeah. And we even do break a pattern, Brenda. Like there's a whole dance. And that's actually, I think our theme that I'm going to do tonight is this breaking a pattern.
Danielle 00:52:04 So what pattern are you making? You know, do you have in life. And then we're dancing a pattern over and over again. You know what? It is really annoying to dance the same pattern over and over again.
00:52:18 So you bring your awareness.
Danielle 00:52:20 You're like, oh yeah. So that pattern then I do that I'm fully aware of. Yeah, that is pretty annoying. And this is what it feels like. So anyway, I just, you know, people, grace, compassion, curiosity, courage these are all the things to saying yes to you?
Brenda 00:52:40 Absolutely. I love everything about that. Is there anything else you'd like to to share before we close?
Danielle 00:52:46 I just really do encourage you to come and dance with me. And why am I saying that? I'm saying that because I wholeheartedly like life changing practice. I know what it's done for me. I see what it's done for other women who come to my classes, everything from moving grief and rage to sadness, calling in relationships. You know, it's like it's just a concentrated time for you.
Danielle 00:53:17 And what I love about the online component, even though it's lovely to dance in person, is that you get to choose whether or not you want your camera on or off. So for many people who might not even go into public dancing, this is a really supportive way to experience a movement class in the comfort of your own home. I'm on your screen. You can see the other participants, but I'm pinned, right. So you're having that experience with you in your own space. And that takes a lot of the. I don't want people to look at me. What will my dance look like? And that is not what we're doing here. There's no steps, there's no choreography. You could literally sit down. You could be seated doing this. You could lie down. If you're just wanting to be in the in the flow and in the vibe of the energy. So and because Brent is going to have these links to give to you, you get the barriers removed automatically so you don't have to go anywhere.
Danielle 00:54:18 Comfort from your own home zoom. And it's free. So you just come and you try it and maybe you like it and you come back and maybe it's not for you. And that's okay too. I've also had people tell me it's not for them, Brenda, and then come back because they had such an emotional release and emotional shift days later, I'm lying because this is what the dance does, right? So it that's my advice is not just come try my class, but try different modalities that you're like, oh, that might sound interesting. I'd like to try that because you don't know what's going to work for you. And when you start layering things together, then you start making real change and then you're like, hey, who's that? That's me. Look at me now. This is so great. I feel so good. And we all need to be, you know, we can get there. We can.
Brenda 00:55:07 Absolutely, absolutely. And, you know, to your point, there's something so cathartic about dance.
Brenda 00:55:13 I have a lot of dance in my life in general, and it is so baked in to what I normally do that sometimes I forget to talk about it because it's just part of how I process. And so yes, go try, go try Danielle's class, because one of the things I hear from women all the time, and I do a lot of chakra work and teach chakras and Reiki and things. And the second chakra, the sacral chakra and the throat chakra are the two most commonly blocked chakras in women, and both of those work can be easily unblocked with movement. And so if dance feels scary, this is a really safe way to try it.
Danielle 00:55:56 Yeah, totally a good supportive space. And then, you know, we get together at the end and we share. And if you don't want to share, you don't have to. You can always go or just listen. But you know also coming together in community. So maybe you don't have community where you live. I know I live kind of in the middle of nowhere.
Danielle 00:56:13 Or maybe that's not your tribe, right? Like it's like finding your people. And, you know, when women are on similar paths in life and want to do this healing work and come together, it really is very, very powerful, even over zoom, like we've all felt it. My people will tell me they feel it. You can still feel the energy of one another, just like. I mean, you know, Brenda, I feel your energy. Like, right now, I know we're on a zoom call, and. Absolutely. But still, you can you can get that, that community feel as well.
Brenda 00:56:45 Absolutely. I'm a big proponent. In fact, that's why 95% of my business is remote work, because I want it to be accessible to anyone, anywhere. So yeah. Amazing. Daniel, thank you. Thank you for being here. I love this conversation. I'm so excited to come take a dance class and I'm so grateful for you.
Danielle 00:57:06 Oh, thank you so much, Brenda.
Danielle 00:57:07 Thank you for the work that you are doing in the world. And I thank you. Yeah.
Brenda 00:57:14 I'm so grateful for Danielle coming on the podcast. I loved her approach to saying yes to herself, and I hope that you felt inspired by her story, her approach, and enjoyed learning about museology and journey dance. I'm going to put all of Danielle's links in the show notes, so be sure you go check them out so that you can go drop into one of her classes. And remember that enrollment is now open for your yes filled life Group coaching program through, middle of September. And and remember that if you're not quite ready to start there, that you can go grab that free energy audit to begin to track what is bringing you joy or maybe depleting your energy. And those links are all in the show notes as well. Thank you so much for listening to your filled life. It really means the world to me. And if you could please share this episode with three people that you care about and go leave the podcast your rating and review wherever you're listening.
Brenda 00:58:20 It would mean so much. Thank you for being here. Bye for now. Until next time.
