Brenda Winkle 00:00:01 Welcome to your yes filled life. I'm Brenda Winkle, energetic leadership guide, psychic, medium and somatic coach for ambitious leaders who know their gifts are real and who want to stand fully in them. Here you'll learn how to trust your intuition, embody your vision, and step into the freedom you've been creating, all without chasing more certifications or carrying stuff that does not belong to you. Every week, I'll share powerful practices and conversations with thought leaders and changemakers that help you transform your vision into embodied confidence. Claim your gifts without apology, and lead with both clarity and freedom. Because your gifts aren't cute. They are powerful. They're real, and they're needed. Start today by downloading my free energy audit at Brenda Winkle. Com forward slash audit. It's the exact tool I use to track what's fueling me and what's draining me. It will help you discern between that hit of achievement and true joy, so that you can lead with more clarity and impact. This is your space to stop proving, start embodying and live fully in your gifts.
Brenda Winkle 00:01:16 Welcome to your yes filled life. Hello and welcome to your yes filled life. I'm your host, Brenda Winkle. Today on the podcast, we're going to be talking about the impact that feeling safe in your body and your nervous system can have on decisions. So many times I hear people say, I just need more clarity. Well, I know that you think that that's true, and I believe that you believe that it's true. I also think you already know. You already know what you should be doing or what you want to be doing. The clarity isn't actually clarity. What you need is nervous system safety. What you need is perhaps to feel understood. And there is a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from not trusting your inner knowing. So if you've been thinking I should know what to do by now, this episode is for you. Because clarity isn't hiding. It's not being elusive. Your nervous system just hasn't felt safe enough to let it surface. So let's reframe this, okay? Instead of thinking that your nervous system is getting in your way, or causing problems or a liability, let's reframe it into the intelligence that your nervous system has.
Brenda Winkle 00:02:38 Like your nervous system, your body has so much wisdom and your body knows based on past history, past life, past experiences, what is safe, what isn't safe. And so this is not actually a lack of clarity. And it's not indecision. It is your nervous system saying, I don't have discernment around whether or not this is safe for me. And high integrity, very empathic, intuitive, compassionate people struggle here the most. Ask me how I know this is literally the work that I do, and I always say I teach what I most need to know. And so I'm continuing in a new version of this knowledge right now. And my friend Sheena said something this week that literally changed my perspective on so much of my life, which we'll get into in just a second. But the truth is, until and unless your body, your nervous system feels safe, it's going to create this sense of, I don't know what to do. I don't know the right thing to do. I need clarity, and maybe you do need clarity, but more likely you need a sense of safety.
Brenda Winkle 00:03:59 So let me just say this again. Nothing has gone wrong here. Like you're not weak. You're not broken. You don't need to be fixed. Because clarity is a somatic event, not a mental event. You are so responsible for so many things. You have so many considerations to every decision that you make that it feels like you don't have clarity, but you do. You do have clarity. You also just have so much going on in your life that you know, have real, real consequences when you make decisions. And if you're an empath like me, people like us tend to factor other people into our decisions at a rate that's different than the rest of the population. Right. Have you ever felt like, I wonder when somebody is going to factor me into their decision? If you've ever thought that and you've thought it in many different contexts, whether it's friendships, romantic partners, peers or coworkers or any other configuration, chances are you're an empath and you're carrying more of the emotional load than you even know, and you're making yourself responsible for outcomes that are not yours to carry.
Brenda Winkle 00:05:31 And when your nervous system can finally feel into a sense of safety, you'll be able to really feel into that truth and allow it to come forward. So there's this fine line right? For us high achievers. We want to do the right thing. We want to be excellent. We want to be responsible. We want to do things the right way. And there's a very fine line between this level of achievement, of integrity and over performance and chronic over attunement. And when I say over attunement, I'm talking about this emotional responsibility where you're carrying the emotional weight of every decision, not only for how it's going to impact you in your life, but you're carrying the emotional weight of how it's going to impact everybody. Whether we're talking about a faith community, like maybe you're making a decision that's going to impact your church, or you're talking about a membership and a mastermind community you're going to be thinking about, well, how will it affect so-and-so if I do this? Or maybe you're thinking about your own business and your own life.
Brenda Winkle 00:06:51 Well, how will it affect this person and that person. If I make this decision as an empath, this is what we're really good at. It's part of our gift. But the truth is, there is a special kind of exhaustion that comes from pretending, I've got this, I've got this for you. I've got it for you and you and you and I've got it for all the you's. And in the meantime, you're living with a knot in your chest and a clench in your belly. In your stomach. Thinking I don't, I don't know what to do. When the truth is, you do probably know what to do. But you also are carrying the emotional weight of knowing that if you do the thing you know you're supposed to do, or you want to do, or you're being guided to do, or you're intuitively being nudged to do that, there might be someone on the other side who feels disappointed. Does that feel true? Because I know that's definitely been my story through the years, and it's also the story that most of my clients come to me with.
Brenda Winkle 00:08:02 And we could talk about this across any topic, whether we're talking about building a business or navigating retirement, or deciding to leave a marriage, or deciding what to do in retirement, or deciding whether to volunteer or not volunteer, or deciding to get a new job versus the old job. It comes up again and again and again and again, where we're making decisions based on how we perceive the emotions of the other person or group of people. And because you're an empath, because I'm sure if you're listening to this podcast, if you're drawn to this podcast, maybe you don't use the word empath, but you are a deeply feeling person. You feel other people's emotions before they even express them. You can read a room like no one's business. You can tell exactly who's feeling confident. Who's pretending to feel confident. You know, when someone is not safe, you're the person that everyone says, oh, come meet my friend so-and-so. Let me come meet my friend Sally, and everyone's talking her up, and you meet her and you take one feel of her energy and you're like, no, this person's not safe.
Brenda Winkle 00:09:16 If that's happened to you before, you're probably an empath. So I have a client named Jill, and and I talk about her a lot because I'm just so proud of of her and the life that she's living and the the life that she is creating for her and her family. And, you know, she's my friend. And there's just a lot here for me. And Jill came to a recent retreat. And the interesting thing was she did not come to this retreat for confidence. If you would have asked her why she came to the retreat, that was not her answer. It had nothing to do with confidence. Her question was actually, do I have what it takes to do the things that she wanted to do? That was the overarching question, and she left with a settled, knowing, total confidence. And it didn't come from me reassuring her. It didn't come from me validating her. It came from embodied practices plus consent to do those embodied practices and nervous system safety. And the embodied practices could be breathwork, or they could be somatic, where there's like movement involved or sound all of those types of embodiment.
Brenda Winkle 00:10:39 And, you know, she actually said, I wondered if I could keep up. And I realized I do. This is what self trust looks like when it lands in the body. Semantically, it's not hype, it's not bravado, it's not being braggadocio or whatever. It's this knowing, this total certainty. Like, I can do this. I may not have the answers, but I can do this. So when we think about the desire that we all have, really the desire is I want to be able to trust myself. Right? I want to be able to trust my intuitive knowing. Let me say this. This desire to trust yourself is universal. And there are people out there who are not empaths who are very intuitive. Did you know that being an empath and being an intuitive can be two separate things? Almost every empath I've ever met is intuitive, but there are people who are intuitive, who are not empaths, which makes it very confusing for those of us that are empaths because we're like, I don't know why you don't get this right.
Brenda Winkle 00:11:58 When we're talking about emotional intelligence, just because you're intuitive doesn't mean you have emotional intelligence like you do. You have emotional intelligence or you wouldn't be drawn to this podcast. So the doubt of what if I'm wrong is not just like wanting to be right. It's not wanting even to get it right. It's what if I misread the emotional impact that my decision is going to cause? Not only me, but everybody that's affected by the decision? So here's the thing that I want to really dial in for you. You don't have to force the decision. You just need to create some space for you to be able to hear it or know it or feel it, however that comes through for you. So recently I've been making a a big decision personally, and I'll probably fill in some specifics soon, but maybe. Maybe not. The content is not as relevant. Excuse me, I got that backwards. The context is not as relevant as the content. Meaning why this is happening, how this is happening.
Brenda Winkle 00:13:10 That kind of thing is not actually as important as what I'm learning. So I entered into this agreement with a group of people, and in that agreement, we had made that agreement with a certain set of understandings where we knew the same things. Once the agreement got into motion, it became clear that a lot of things were misrepresented on the other side, and they weren't misrepresented in the sense that they were dishonest. It wasn't dishonest. It was absolutely misrepresented. And things that were sort of, mentioned as a oh, by the way, this component of the situation might come up once or twice. That's how it was mentioned. Well, that particular component was massive. That particular component would be like a tree falling on your house kind of component. It was massive, and it was presented to me as though it was already handled, as though it was kind of an aside like, oh, by the way, maybe you should know about this kind of history, but the truth is, we're still stepping over the tree in the middle of the living room in this situation.
Brenda Winkle 00:14:38 And what I found happening for myself was sort of this bargaining that went on like, okay, Maybe if I can just be more likeable. Maybe if I can just be more patient and more empathetic and. And that's not like me, right? Like, you probably never heard me say I wanted to be more likable, but I'm talking current tense. Like in the year 2026. This has happened to me, which is also part of what's happening in my identity shift, because I'm going through a massive identity shift right now. Quantum leap. timeline jump, however you want to say it. So as I found myself negotiating, that was a cue to me. I was like, oh, this is like one of the final tests of my own identity upgrade. Am I going to allow myself to be treated like this? you know, I'm stepping over the tree that's fallen in the middle of the living room. My legs are getting scraped up by it. Other people are being hurt by it, and I'm just going to pretend like I'm not stepping over a big tree.
Brenda Winkle 00:15:45 But in my body. When I was first presented with this tree in the living room kind of situation, I didn't have nervous system safety because there was a leader who was present who was sort of like, oh yeah, that old thing, that tree in the middle of the living room. Don't you worry about that. Just step over. You'll learn. You'll learn how to step over it. It's going to be fine. Well, it's not fine. It's not fine for me. It's coming at a very expensive cost to me energetically. And I had to go through the process that I'm talking to you about right now, where I had to let go of the desire, the need to be understood and to give myself understanding, to totally trust, I know what feels aligned for me and what is not aligned for me. When something is integrity in integrity for me, and when something is out of integrity for me. But I did have to do some extra work on my own nervous system to come back into regulation, because that's when I had the total awareness.
Brenda Winkle 00:17:04 Oh, Brenda, you want to be understood more? At one point, more than actually resolving the situation, you want to be understood. And as soon as I realized that, then I could take care of my nervous system, of my child parts, my protector parts that really wanted to be misunderstood and say, okay, I understand what you're going through. I understand how hard this must have been for you and how hard this is for you, and why it feels the way I understand. And yes, you're making the right decision by choosing to walk away and not try to live in a living room with a tree in the middle of it. And so just all this is to say, I get it. I absolutely get it. And here's the thing. You don't have to force the decision. You just need a space that helps you hear what your decision is. You're not behind. You're protecting something sacred. Your nervous system, your subconscious is protecting something sacred. And that something is you.
Brenda Winkle 00:18:19 So I really want you to hear this. You're not behind. You're not broken. This question is alive because your identity is shifting. And as your identity shifts, it's the same thing as when your clothing choices change or your hairstyle changes. Or maybe you put streaks of purple in your hair. It's reflective of the identity change that you're going through. So this week, I have an invitation for you to notice when your body feels safe enough to speak. When do you notice yourself able to say the things? Even if it is kind of hard. It's not like you won't have a feeling about saying something that might be a difficult conversation, but when do you have that safety enough that you can say the thing of, hey, you know, I'm wondering if we could approach this differently? And then also invitation to notice. Are there any places where you need more safety enable in order to be able to speak up and do the things that are in integrity for you? And as you do that, you're probably going to notice that if you're in an activated state, maybe you need to tap on that collarbone point.
Brenda Winkle 00:19:39 We've talked about that a lot in the podcast. Just tap on that collarbone point. Take two fingers. Gently tap on your yes filled life on YouTube. I'm showing you exactly what to do. So if you're listening, you can go over there to your gas filled life on YouTube and take a look. And just tapping on the collarbone point, you can have some things that you say if you want to, but even just tapping is going to create a sense of nervous system safety. Just take two fingers, tap on either collarbone. It doesn't matter which side, doesn't matter which hand. Just be really gentle and you're probably going to notice that you're going to either yawn, sigh, or swallow after a few moments of tapping. And that is when you know the shift has happened. And then ask yourself if I knew what is really true for me, what would I decide to do in this situation if I wasn't scared? And if you've been looking for a place that has spaciousness and nervous system alignment and community and connection, the intuitive Leader retreat is exactly what this is designed to do, and we're going to be together on the Oregon coast March 3rd through five in Lincoln City, Oregon.
Brenda Winkle 00:20:52 And this is a time to come together with other people who are going through the same thing as you, other people who are sensitive and empathic and intuitive and really coming into what is an integrity for me. So I'll put the link in the show notes for that and invitation to go check it out, see if it's a line for you. Enrollment does end soon. We're ending enrollment on February 26th. There are a series of bonus calls. There's three of them leading up to the retreat. So if you would like to join the community and be a part of those bonus calls, you'll need to get registered for the retreat soon. Once they're gone, they're gone. There's no replays. You don't have access to them. So if you want to be a part of those pre retreat calls, You'll need to get registered and you can go to Brenda Winkle. Com Forward Slash Retreat 2026. And I've got the link in the show notes. And one thing that I would invite you to do, in addition to really paying attention to what your body is saying this week, as you notice, when do you feel safe to speak up? When do you not feel safe to speak up? Invitation to track your energy.
Brenda Winkle 00:22:04 If you've already downloaded the energy audit, use it this week. This is your reminder. Notice what fuels you, what makes you feel better, what gives you energy, and also notice what is draining you. And is there anything you can do to shift that? Is there a perspective shift that could happen that would make a difference? Is it that the thing is not aligned? What could make a difference? And tracking and paying attention to what fuels you and what drains you is absolutely life changing. I continue to rely on this tool, and that was a big part of how I made the decision about, no, this is not me being reactive or overly sensitive or weak in any way. This is me tending to me. This is me saying, oh, this is aligned and this is not aligned because there's clarity. And so sometimes a tool like the Energy Audit can help take the emotionality out of those decisions, because it gives you just a little bit more of a zoomed out perspective. So go grab that energy audit if you haven't yet.
Brenda Winkle 00:23:11 Thank you so much for listening to your yes filled life. I just I'm so grateful that you're here. I'm so grateful that you listen. If you loved this episode, would you please consider sharing it with someone of the somebody that you care about and go leave the podcast a rating, a review on Apple Podcasts, or a comment wherever you're listening. It makes such a difference. Bye for now. Until next time.
