66. Boundaries for Highly Sensitive Moms - Motherhood Series
A common question I hear is "How do I set boundaries"? This podcast episode will help support you with some skills and strategies to not only set boundaries but to help support your own nervous system.
As a highly-sensitive person, empath, people pleaser, perfectionist (and sometimes overachievers) it's easy to talk yourself out of setting boundaries before you ever try.
A research study in 1997 revealed that 20-30% of the population is highly-sensitive, and has more neuro receptors to process sensory input in their brains. This is what we are talking about when we talk about highly-sensitive people.
Here are the takeaways...
- It's difficult for highly sensitive people to receive critical feedback. This means that as a child, if you identify as a highly sensitive person, you quickly learned to do things perfectly as a way to avoid criticism. That's where many hsp learned to be perfectionists.
- If you've never set a boundary, the people around you will need some time to get used to the new boundaries. That's ok.
- Strategies to support you in setting boundaries:
- Zip up your electromagnetic field by making a zipping motion from the base of your torso up over the top of your head.
- Your central channel goes from the base of your spine to the top of your head. Imagine your energy focused on your central channel (up and down your spine) and grounding into the earth can be supportive.
- From that grounded and zipped up place... you can set boundaries without taking on the feelings of other people.
- Adults and boundaries, use the 4 part boundary statement based on non-violent communication and the work of Teri Cole
- I noticed...
- I felt...
- I'd like to make a request...
- Can we agree that...
- As parents, we want to set healthy boundaries with our kids so that they are safe, they have transferable social skills, and so that we can take care of ourselves and of them. This means there may be some non-negotiable things. It's ok if your kids are upset with you for setting a healthy boundary. (getting dressed for school, eating nourishing food)
- Support for setting boundaries as parents include:
- Boundaries help your kids feel safe
- You setting boundaries helps them in other settings
- Gray Rock Method (from Love and Logic) - use a neutral tone of voice and a neutral facial expression while you become a broken record
- Use one statement over and over after you've answered. For example, "I love you too much to argue".
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